BREE & GABRIELLE SOME MORE
Celia & Juanita: (Raising hell.)
Bree: "I'm not saying I'm an expert on parenting, I'm just saying would you rather your girls be amazing individuals, or do you want them having mysterious babies and prostituting themselves to old men, like my kids?"
Gabi: "I'm just cool with letting them do whatever they want."
Bree: "I am a far, far better person than you are. I'm starting a new lipgloss called Jesus Barbie, that's how in touch with reality I am."
Gabi: "You know what? Have at it. Worst-case scenario, they tie you up and set you on fire. Best-case scenario, all three of you bitches stop screaming. Either way, your moral upper hand here is nonexistent."
Bree, verbatim: "Girls, I need to talk to you."
Juanita, verbatim: "Not now, we're playing Death Match."
Bree, verbatim: "We do not fight in this house! With pillows made of hand-dyed silk! Now, I am going to count to three. One... Two... Do you know what happens after three?"
Juanita: "Um, four? Jackass?"
Bree, verbatim: "Put the pillows down. Now. I am sure you've heard the expression My house my rules?"
Juanita: "Only when my daddy hits my mommy."
Bree, verbatim: "As long as you are staying here with me, you will behave properly. You will mind your manners, you will do your chores, you will listen when spoken to, and... Where are they going?"
Gabi, verbatim: "Hmm? I wasn't paying attention. What were you telling 'em?"
Bree: "Time for Phase II! Where I stomp my little feet!"
Gabi: "They are going to railroad you, and it is going to be so awesome. These meaningless little successes make me feel like I have control over my life."
Bree: "That is the definition of womanhood."