Desperate Housewives

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We Swallow Poison Every Sunday

Mary Alice: "People do good deeds for many reasons, but sometimes good deeds have bad consequences. Correcting a colleague's mistake [Lynette, Tom, Renee] could breed resentment. Opening one's home to a friend can damage that friendship [Bree, Gabrielle, Gabrielle's vibrator]. Trying to bring a spouse closer might push her further away [Everybody all the time/women are bitches]."

Mary Alice, as Susan stares into space in Paul's yard: "That's why there's an old expression about helping people... No good deed goes unpunished."

(That is not even what that expression means, you nasty old thing.)

Mary Alice: "No, I'm serious. Don't ever help people. They will fuck you over. Your good deeds will be tainted by fingerless assassins, and the people you're helping will eventually hurt your little feelings. If you let a friend stay with you, make sure they're not Mexican. If you have a husband that likes to play with dildos, you're a bitch for worrying about it, because that's just harmless fun. If you see someone in pain, assume that they deserve it, because chances are they do. And, most of all, God Bless America. Things are going to be so much better now that an infirm old man getting dialysis six hours a day three times a week was blown up, along with a few dozen other people. What we need are more massacres like that. How many more innocent grandchildren could Gadhafi possibly have, after all? Amen."

Three less than last week. Amen.

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Desperate Housewives

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