Bree: (See Appendix III, attached.)
Renee: (Has been in love with Tom Scavo for decades.)
Housewives: "Thank God we are mentally healthy. Why were you in their lair?"
Susan: "Because I have this whole Christian thing about charity and kindness, where we demonstrate compassion to those who are most in need of it rather of in the hopes of a future reward."
Bree: "That doesn't sound like any Christianity I'm familiar with."
Lynette: "I still hate Paul Young more than anybody else, despite having less reasons to do so than anybody else."
Housewives: "Stop feeding him. Don't even smile at him. Next time you see him, kick him in the depressed testicles."
Susan: "Depresticles. No, I'm going to keep being awesome. You bitches are such fucking hypocrites."
Lynette: "Hey, did you hear that Osama Bin Laden, along with twenty-one other people, was killed the other day?"
Bree: "Yes! I'm throwing a cocktail party. I love to celebrate death."
Susan: "That also sounds very un-Christian."
Bree: "No, I'm pretty sure you're wrong. Vengeance is yours, as the saying goes. It's both patriotic and ethically correct to cheer when people die. It's just like at a football game!"
Lynette: "Yeah, Susan. Are you saying you're sorry he's dead? Do you hate America?"
Susan: "No, because those aren't the only choices."
Lynette: "No, there's always a good guy and a bad guy. If one person is mean, that automatically makes the other person nice. It's the basis of the Real Housewives franchise and most cultural discourse in 2011."
Susan: "If somebody hits you, that's on them. If you hit them back, that's on you. You are now a slapper-of-people. You are less than you were."
Housewives: "We don't understand! America has a chronic case of borderline personality disorder!"
Susan: "Okay. Look, as long as your moral understanding is limited to this idea of there always being a good guy and a bad guy, you're always going to be the good guy. There is no check on your behavior, because you aren't operating from a mature, personal sense of responsibility. But nobody else is actually in charge of your behavior, and when you do barbaric shit like this, it only reflects on you. Stop giving yourself permission to behave this way, and start thinking about how you'd feel if it were any other country on earth throwing ticker-tape parades because some enemy was killed."