Desperate Housewives

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We Swallow Poison Every Sunday

Susan: "I'm not sad he's dead, that's the point of war. The point of war is to solve the problem, and we solved the problem. There's nothing in there about cocktail parties. The only thing I'm sad about is that you're happy about it. Because that is grotesque and infantile."
Bree: "War is about celebrating the death of your enemies!"
Susan: "No. War is about resolving conflicts. What you're doing is what keeps war going. To the detriment of your own spirit. And to the lasting embarrassment of our country, on the world stage. Do you think terrorism will stop now? It's going to get worse. Possibly moreso, when they see us acting in such a trashy, graceless, indecorous way."

Bree: "So you hate the troops!"
Susan: "No. They did their job. And unlike you childish, hateful bitches, they actually understand that the price of war is being a killer. Actual soldiers understand that there's nothing to celebrate here, beyond the success of the mission."

Lynette: "You're spitting on the memory of those that died in 9/11!"
Susan: "No, actually you are. And it's not going to bring them back."

Bree: "But some people deserve to die!"
Susan: "Very Christian. You make America embarrassing, and not even for a good reason. You're just using this event to express negative feelings that have nothing to do with terror, or war, or anything other than your own repressed dissatisfaction and resentment, in a socially acceptable way. In front of the world. In front of your children."

Lynette: "You're acting like you're better than us!"
Susan: "And you're acting worse than you are, and it bums me out. Do you understand that two wrongs don't make a right? Like, the oldest human ethical concept?"
Lynette: "But sometimes you can bend the rules and be an asshole, if it feels good!"
Susan: "That's not how it works."
Bree: "Pretty sure Christianity says it is."
Susan: "I'm pretty sure you've never understood anything about being a Christian. The loudest ones usually don't."

LYNETTE & RENEE

Lynette: "I bought cheap champagne to celebrate the end of a decorating job!"
Renee: "I love making jokes about cheap champagne. They will flow like sparkling wine! Number one, 'Dan Perignon'? Is gross! When picking champagne, wordplay usually isn't a selling point."
Tom: "Ooh! Dan Perignon! What are we celebrating?"
Lynette: "We just cleared a whole $293 decorating job."
Renee: "Less three bucks on the wine!"
Lynette: "The glass is always half empty with you."
Renee: "No, it's half full. Of dog piss."

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Desperate Housewives

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