A very pretty black woman with great clothes but strange personal style shows up at Bree's house looking for Keith, and of course because she's black you can already assume it's because she's had a child out of wedlock with Keith, because he is of a lower class -- somehow, despite having an Army Colonel and plastic surgeon for parents -- and because it's the one thing that would kill Bree now that we've forgotten her gay son exists. So the girl, Amber James, figures out that Bree is not Keith's super but in fact his aged lover, and before you can say 23 skidoo that girl is gone, weeping and beautiful, with her weird choppy extensions and even weirder fake contacts.
Susan: "Hey, we're going to be here for six hours getting dialysis, do you mind if I fucking bug you and talk to you and talk to you and talk to you and talk to you? Because let me assure you, it will be banal. I'm really shallow and boring, considering how much trouble I bring into the lives of those around me on a near-constant basis."
Old Man: "That doesn't sound like a fun time to me. I have a terminal illness."
Susan: "I'm going to call you Dick, because that's your name and because you are an asshole, according to my Borderline Personality Disorder. I am going to notify the government of your unwillingness to indulge my bottomless pit of need, and they will have you executed for being mean to me. Do you know who I am?"
Dick: "The very worst, I'd imagine. Stop humping my leg."
Penny figures out, by dint of the ugly candlesticks Lynette is putting out, that Lynette's awful mother is coming for a visit. Lynette, as a proper Baby Boomer, resents her parents almost as much as her kids. Whichever twin brings her in, wishing death on the old woman, and then she's a bitch to Lynette for awhile before giving Penny a wee tweak of the nipple. "You're getting buds!" she shouts, which is how Penny got her eating disorder.
Left alone, Lynette finds out that her mother is marrying some old dude whose standards have also slipped, and it's Saturday this is happening, but Lynette wants to meet the bastard ASAP, because that's what she's supposed to want and for no other reason. "Wanna make sure his intentions are honorable? Lynette, I hate to break this to you? I am not a virgin." Penny, move over. We're barfing as a team.