Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Whatever Let Me Go

Susan: "I'M HEALED! I'm going to apologize to Zach and Paul Young immediately, and work on providing a stable home for my children. I've got a lot of work to do in here. See, the problem was that I felt so bad all the time it never would have occurred to me how solipsistic and selfish I was being. That should feel good, shouldn't it?"
Dick: "It should, but it never does. When you're the only person in the universe, it gets real lonely real fast. But I can see how a fundamentally good person like yourself would assume that the shitty option was the more considerate, or more healthy option -- self-sacrifice is a dangerous drug, and it's really hard to convince people who are used to feeling that way that life is actually much, much better than that."

Just kidding, she's terrible to him some more. And then when Ethan's organ beeper goes off, Dick dives into his briefcase with a heartbreaking hope, and so Susan does as she must: Hugs Ethan goodbye, with congrats, and then picks the spot next to Dick. She doesn't speak to him, or smile. She doesn't even look at him. But she does hold his hand. And when she squeezes, he squeezes right back. And while my conversation would have been cooler, I'll accept that trade. I haven't teared up at this show in a long, long time.

Bree will nudge Keith a little bit about how "What if you had an illegitimate child" and "How would we deal with this" -- and his answers will be A) "That would be weird" and B) "Whatever Bree says is what I do now, I know my role" -- so she'll head on over to Amber's house and pay her off to keep quiet. Which, sadly, is not out of character at all. And later when she's pruning the shit out of her roses he'll ask why she's being so insane about it -- even though he's a gardener some days, he still has some questions I guess -- and she'll go, "It looks bad, but sometimes you have to be ruthless if you want something beautiful to keep growing."

And the Solises will finally have their date at the Chinese restaurant, to which Gaby will insist they take Princess Valerie, in Celia's old carseat, and Carlos will go full-sad about his wife's insanity at that point, but before they get there, they'll get carjacked by some punks, and in her hurry to save Princess Valerie before handing over the keys, she'll nearly get pistol-whipped or worse. And she'll freak out the carjackers so bad with this deranged behavior that they'll even get worried about her before driving off. And she will scream her throat bloody, all about "MY BABY! MY BABY!" And then hopefully she will be institutionalized, or at least change the topic, because damn.

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Desperate Housewives




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