Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Whatever Let Me Go

I mean, she doesn't know what's up with this Amber, so it's really just a fact-finding mission, but here's a thought: "Hey, a gorgeous young lady came here asking for you, and seemed really upset by the end of the visit. Any thoughts?" Nope, not these ladies. Not on this show. Why ask a question when you can endlessly complicate your soulless slapstick existence by being as evasive and sketch as possible?

37 years old, is BAG, and this is how it's going. And did you know that Jared Leto is older than that, even? I had a hard time sleeping the other night when I found that shit out, believe you me. That is just not fair. Trent Reznor looks like/may well have become a professional Dungeon Master at the local comic book shop, and Jared Leto is still dressing like your gay cousin that moved east, and who's left to be in love with? I ask you. Well. Zack Morris. We've still got that going for us. And how.

New dad is named Frank, and he is a racist, and ... That's it. That's all you need to know, to extrapolate the whole story by synecdoche. They did the whole This Show's Not Racist No Takebacks bullshit with Grace's parents already, and frankly as far back as Alfre Woodard's whole Mandingo Party of a storyline, and now we've got a charming racist in the fold. I mean, it's nothing new: It's Archie Bunker. Half of us loved to hate him because he's wrong and gross, and half of us just loved him for saying what we're all thinking -- in today's viciously PC culture run entirely by fags and Jews -- and at the end of the day everybody can think he's on their side even though he's on nobody's side but the Devil.

And so Lynette's stepfather can speak for "us," and the characters can act appalled, but at the end of the day who's laughing heartily and smirking at each other over our International Coffees? That's right: "Us." The "us" that Mary Alice relates to thrice each episode, the "us" that hates being called racist even when we're being totally racist, the "us" that disingenuously whines, "Why can't you liberals be more open-minded about our different values? Like the values where we're good and you're bad? Can't you respect that viewpoint? Isn't hate speech free speech?" Only this show is neither good nor smart enough to do both, like Archie did, so they're fine with just the awful part. Which in turn is fine, because ratings are still going strong, because there's a lot of assholes out there with not a lot of TV left to watch.

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Desperate Housewives




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