Pap, Pep, and Pip run screaming into Gay Matt's office and leap all over him. Lynette arrives a moment later, pushing Pup in her pram and excusing their visit by telling him the Pistons wanted to see him while they were out eating burgers, because they knew he wouldn't be home that night. Gay Matt shows off his office with a view, and then scampers into the next room to give the boys chair rides. Lynette watches lovingly. The Boss's Wife enters, because I guess she just hangs around a lot, and glows about how she's the one who convinced her husband to yank the promotion from under Tim Duggan's recuperating nose and give it to Gay Matt. "[Gay Matt] is such a workhorse, and he wanted it so badly," The Boss's Wife gushes. Look, Lynette! Support! Were this woman a bra, she'd have underwire and extra push-up padding.
Mary Alice sees fit to resume telling this gentle story, chiming in with her heavenly voice-over, "Lynette realized it was in her best interest to lie to the boss's wife." In scene, Lynette acts thrilled about the promotion. MAVO: "Provided she wasn't too convincing." Lynette: "Of course, I mean, I will miss him being gone all the time," she begins manipulatively, allowing herself to stare wistfully at the happy-family tableau before her of the three sons of a bitch crawling joyfully all over their father. "He'll be bringing in more money, but he's going to miss birthdays, baseball games, first steps..." Lynette continues, even more manipulatively. The Boss's Wife listens sympathetically. Lynette slathers it on thickly with a closing argument that consists of a resigned shrug, a falsely bright acknowledgement that such is the trade-off, and a convincing "I hope one day [Gay Matt] doesn't look back and regret being gone so much." Then she adopts a sly expression, which The Boss's Wife can't see but we can, so thank you, Lynette, for being so very unrealistically user-friendly. Also, Lynette, you are so selfish. Don't air your laundry in front of his co-workers. That's so appalling. She knows she can't win with Gay Matt, so she's going to make his colleagues pity him? Classy. Assy.
The human equivalent of Glamour magazine is giving Justin the audio equivalent of a helpful quiz, like, "Gay or Straight: How Much Yearning Is All In Your Head?" Justin tells Gabrielle that he has a buddy with whom he messes around, but, you know, getting a beefstick enema doesn't make you gay or anything. Except, oh, curses, he's actually starting to care about the guy attached to the penis. Justin assumed that sleeping with Gabrielle would settle the matter: she's hot enough to turn any bi-curious boy straight, married enough to keep her mouth shut about the tryst, and far enough away from school that if he nailed her, no one would whisper in the halls that they heard he needed popsicle sticks to prop it up, and that he ended up spending the whole time spooning and crying softly. Solid logic, that. "We've been messing around for a while, and this whole time I kept telling myself that it didn't mean anything, you know?" he says ruefully. "I guess I was just kidding myself." Gabrielle is thoughtful. No, really. Then she barfs up today's thesis: "We're all in denial about something." She tells him that he's brave for confronting the truth about his sexuality. Justin promises that he never would have busted her to Carlos. As a thank-you, Gabrielle marches up and plants one on him. "Feel anything?" she asks. Justin bites his lip. "Not really," he admits. Of course not. Her manicured claws were digging so hard into his cheek, they sliced his nerves and rendered him numb. Gabrielle thoughtfully christens him Gay As The Day Is Long, and trots out, satisfied.