Safely inside, Susan lets out a muffled sob, and then pathetically calls out, "Julie? Mommy needs a hug." There's no answer. Susan realizes with a shiver that Julie is probably out with a kid whose temper has a touchier hair-trigger than Mike's handgun. She storms across the street to Mary Alice's house. No one's really inside, or outside, actually. But from her spot on the patio we pan down to a corner of the swimming pool, where two heads are locked together in that calculated way where you can tell the actors want to look like they're passionately kissing, but they're actually only mouthifying each others' cheeks. "Julie Alexandra Mayer!" screams Susan. Her initials are JAM? That's kinda bitchin'. The two guilty tongue bandits duck underwater. Susan goes off her head about how ridiculous this is, and how they can't stay under there forever, and then she trips over some discarded gold boxer shorts. She should have realized then and there that it at least wasn't Zack under there, because he's clearly not a gold boxers kind of guy. He's all shooting stars and race cars. Or Ninja Turtles.
On cue, Justin's head pops up from under the water. He gasps for air and looks mortified. Susan is confused, until Andrew also pops up from the deep. Woohoo! Action! Susan's jaw completely drops. "I'm not...I'm not gay," Andrew attempts lamely, as Susan trips and bumbles her way out of there in a series of embarrassing pratfalls. Even Andrew and Justin, the budding young couple, stares at her like, "Oh my God, lady, you're in your forties, get it together."
Back to Casa They Should Watch Those Really Embarrassing Ads Where Gary Coleman Talks About How He Went Broke And Found Debt Relief. Gabrielle is trying to tell Carlos that they should sell the mansion, since they can't afford to do anything but stand inside it. Carlos insists that his lawyer will get the Justice Department to unfreeze his assets, but Gabrielle points out that those assets will promptly line the lawyer's pockets. And he has no clients, and she spent all their savings on keeping up that manicure during times of crisis. "It's our house," he says, pathetically. Gabrielle sympathizes, but knows they have to face up to reality. Carlos walks out onto the front porch and stares morosely across the street. "I never thought I'd be poor at this stage of my life," he murmurs. Gabrielle reaches into her vault of Platitudes: How To Say Plenty But Solve Nothing, and pulls out, "I've been broke a lot of times in my life. But I've never been poor. Because poor is just a state of mind." Tell that to Bank of America. She elicits a smile from Carlos, though, and he finally grudgingly admits that perhaps it wouldn't be fatal to move into an apartment. "Who knows? Might even be fun," Gabrielle says. They make out and promise to buy an even bigger house once he's figured out another way to get rich illegally.