Lynette putters around the kitchen looking typically harried, while letting Peter, Piper, and Picked run hog wild in the living room playing pseudo-hockey. It doesn't look dark -- isn't this what "outside" is for? Or, if they're under house arrest, maybe Lynette shouldn't give them access to any...oh, I don't know...items? Gay Matt schlumps inside and quietly suggests that his sons take it elsewhere. They ignore him, because they've watched Melrose Place and they know what woodwork looks like when they see it. Lynette asks how Gay Matt's day was, and learns that his big vice-presidential promotion ended up going to somebody else. "I don't get it," he says. "How does Tim Duggan, Big Blowhard, get the promotion over me?" He then sighs and admits that he's just being bitter. Lynette kisses him, presumably so that he knows what real bitter tastes like. Peck, Pickled, and Peppers are still at it in the living room, so Gay Matt ineffectually wonders if they could take the Stanley Cup outside. Hockey fans disagree, as this is the closest they will come to the Stanley Cup for another year, maybe two. The P Patrol ignores Gay Matt again, although I swear, those kids are one more "reprimand" away from mistaking their father for the banister and trying to slide down him. Lynette assumes that her husband is stupid and asks if he bothered to let his boss, Mr. Peterson, know that he wanted the promotion. In a twist, Gay Matt is stupid, because he figured that his eight-plus years of service would speak for themselves against Tim Duggan's two years and top-notch blowing skills. "I'm not going to beg," Gay Matt says. "I'm not saying beg," Lynette replies. "You just have to step up from time to time...Nobody respects a shrinking violet." Apt advice in some circumstances, but Lynette, the guy is depressed. He doesn't need you to tell him he's a giant pussy -- the whole room can smell the Whiskas. Gay Matt defensively tries to say that there are many ways to be a leader, and he prefers quiet efficiency, but Lynette interrupts: "TAKE THAT RACKET OUTSIDE," she yells at Punxsutawney, Phil, and Pgroundhog. This silences them, and they scurry outside on cue, leaving Gay Matt alone with the sound of his own purring.
Episode Report CardHeathen: A- | 499 USERS: C+
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