Anyway, Andrew thinks this is all hilarious, which galls KimberBree until Andrew giggles that the condom isn't his. And KimberBree is about to get up in Rex's grill again, until Andrew very pointedly looks at Danielle and snickers. Rex's face falls, because apparently a young boy getting out his hammer for some nailing is very funny unless it is your daughter who is the one being pounded. But with your son -- well, boys will be carpenters. And hey, Jesus was a carpenter, and KimberBree has a framed picture of him in the hallway, so it can't be all bad. But Danielle hangs her guilty head as KimberBree and Rex gasp in unison. "You suck, you know that?" she pouts to her amused brother. We fade to black figuring that, yeah, he kind of does, but also, who among us wouldn't have done the same under false accusation?
KimberBree slips into Danielle's room, where her daughter is still very upset that The Great Condom Caper of 2005 has unspoiled, and yet the offending condom itself remains pitifully rolled-up and wrapped. KimberBree has changed into her nicest violet top for this discussion, but Danielle isn't interested and tries to dismiss her with the confirmation that, yes, she is still a virgin. KimberBree rather densely wonders why Danielle would need a condom, then. Well, it's like this, KimberBree: when you lose your virginity, it's not just because you lost track of it one day while you were walking from Calculus class to Biology. You have to actually leave it somewhere, hopefully on the business end of a nice, sperm-thwarting condom. Danielle says as much, admitting that she wants to have sex one day and doesn't want a Van De Kamplet in her womb. "Danielle, you are president of the Abstinence Club!" KimberBree gasps. I wonder what their fundraisers are like. Bake sales with hormone suppressants in the brownies? Danielle snits in a funny line that she wasn't planning on running for a second term, and says when pressed that her beef stick of choice is affixed to one Miguel the Gardener, whom you might remember from all the times he -- to use the tired metaphor -- tilled Gabrielle's soil. Danielle exposits that Miguel dumped her because she wouldn't have sex, and so she figures the thing to do is change her beliefs completely. KimberBree sympathetically points out that this isn't the best idea, especially because sex doesn't always lead to love. "I understand what it's like to be young, and feel...urges," KimberBree attempts. "But I waited until I got married, as did your father" -- Really? With the way he was talking earlier? Oookay -- "and it was so much better." Danielle points out that Rex ended up cheating on KimberBree, and that they're both miserable now: "The walls between our rooms are paper-thin and I hear more than I should." KimberBree is winded. Danielle gives her a peck on the cheek and sighs that her mother is the last person in the world to be doling out sex advice. KimberBree says nothing. Oh, I would be in such a rage over that. And Kimberly Shaw would put on a blonde wig and run over that young whippersnapper in a stolen Volkswagen.