Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B+ | 1 USERS: A+

KimberBree perches delicately on Miguel's couch as he confesses, rather guiltily, that he lied to Danielle -- he wasn't dumping her because of the sex, but rather, because he wasn't terribly interested in her, and sex seemed like an easy scapegoat when you consider that she's pretty much on the Abstinence Club poster, doing that Abstinence Gesture that many of us were taught during the same health class presentation in which we were also shown how to roll a condom over a banana. Miguel awkwardly admits it was all because he was seeing someone else. "Oh!" KimberBree exclaims. "Are you going steady?" Hee. That's so the type of thing my mother would ask. Miguel shifts in his seat. "Not exactly...this other lady -- girl -- she sort of dumped me," he explains. KimberBree leaves that one untouched as Miguel promises to talk to Danielle and let her down gently. "Actually, I'd prefer you didn't," KimberBree says. The Wacky Music Of It's Not What You Think plays as KimberBree tells Miguel she wants him to dump Danielle hard -- be harsh, be brutal, and be her indirect campaign manager for her second term as the Abstinence Club president.

Mike arrives at a diner to meet with Noah, who is loading pie pieces two-by-two into the ark that is his dying belly, on the logic that health doesn't matter when you're already dying. To that I say: bravo, Noah, and the chocolate cake looks better than the lemon pie. "Who's the woman they think you killed?" Noah asks. Mike shrugs her off as a local busybody. He figured it was a random thing, but Noah can't imagine it's a coincidence that Mike's garage is where the jewelry ended up. Mike is frustrated about the progress or lack thereof in The Deirdre Affair: It's Been Too Long Since Any Of Us Cared, but Noah is certain that there are trails that will lead to her: "Whoever set you up must know that." Really? Okay, whatever. Noah then tells Mike that, in effect, he will buy Mike's way out of his current legal trouble. Aw, Mike has a sugar daddy.

Gabrielle arrives at Casa Lothario to confront Miguel about his lecherous roommate...but only Justin is home, and he visibly panics. "You can't talk to Miguel," he stammers. "I can and I will, you worthless piece of crap," she sneers, backing him up against the wall. Justin apologizes and gets emotional when he swears he didn't want to blackmail Gabrielle. "I really needed to sleep with you," he pleads. "Because...I think I might be gay." And he thought the Cooch of the Covenant would be his salvation.

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Desperate Housewives




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