Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B+ | 1 USERS: A+

Faux Harrison Ford -- and really, he is very faux; I'm not sure what I was smoking before -- and Copeland nastily agree that Susan isn't covering for Mike; rather, she's just a sucker. Hmm. Has Mike been receiving and telling?

Julie and Danielle arrive at Zack's, the latter with a pinched "I just stepped in a big pile of geek" expression on her face. But she brightens, as much as one who looks perennially bored and stoned can brighten, when she sees Miguel sitting on the couch mentally rehearsing his "It's not the sex, it's you" speech. Danielle scampers over to him, kisses him on the cheek, and suggestively says she has a surprise for him. Miguel uncomfortably leaves with her so that they can talk.

Zack is delighted to see Julie. She, in turn, is surprised to see Andrew. "He brought friends. They're acting like jerks. Alert the media," Zack cracks. Then why invite them? I've sort of been there, but if they're miserable people who make you want to eat your own glasses, is it really worth it? Zack puts his arm around Julie and they wander outside. Moments later, Danielle bolts outside screaming, "Don't touch me," as she shakes off Miguel. Sounds like he did the job well. And speedily. Meanwhile, Andrew and his friends throw a deckchair into the pool, while someone is stretched out on it. Hilarity! Although also, not hugely removed from something that might happen on Dynasty, except in that case it would involve evening gowns, fur turbans, and a catfight. Zack, despite having brought the mayhem upon himself, seems perturbed by it; Andrew sits down and condescends, "Relax, it's a party, and you're the main party animal, right? Am I right?" Zack stares at him. "Yes," he says skeptically. "Then act like it! Give me a howl!" Andrew guffaws. Then, Andrew howls as a demonstration. Thank you, Teen Wolf. I knew no guys in high school who howled. Zack lets out a half-hearted "Woooo," and everyone laughs at him. Andrew pats him and then leaves, and the moment is sufficiently humiliating that even I, the viewer, want to go home and play some slow Matchbox 20 while I scribble tearfully in my diary. "Are you okay?" Julie quietly asks Zack. "What do I care," snorts Zack. "He's nothing. I could take care of him if I wanted to." With a hearty helping of Chicken Soup For The Teenage Dirtbag Soul, no doubt. "I know where my mom kept her gun," Zack explains darkly. Then he unholsters the Finger Guns of Rageaholic Revenge, points them at Justin and Andrew, and pulls his thumb-trigger. Julie is offended: "That's not funny, Zack." ["Plus, leave Justin out of it! He's cute!" -- Wing Chun] He blinks. "Yeah, if you think about it, yeah, it kind of is," Zack deadpans. Oooh. He just went from rootably misunderstood and emotionally messed up, with the added stress of a weird father and a dead mother, to downright creepy. Disgusted, Julie storms out...

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Desperate Housewives




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