Desperate Housewives
Impossible

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Heathen: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Impossible

Gay Matt sails through the door of his home at the end of the day and says that Tim Duggan survived his triple-bypass with gusto. I'm surprised neither of them snarks, "God. That's just so like him. Bastard overachiever." Gay Matt's moniker takes on actual meaning now, as he reveals how happy he is: He convinced his boss not to keep Duggan's promotion for him, so Mr. Peterson awarded it to "fit, heart-smart" Gay Matt. Specifically, Gay Matt "walked in and said [Peterson would] be a fool to hold Duggan's promotion." Lynette is shocked that Gay Matt called his boss a fool, but I think she's more shocked that he discovered balls in his trousers. Gay Matt is giddy with his high-risk, high-reward approach. Lynette brushes off the fact that his approach is not the one she'd have taken -- honey, don't call your husband a shrinking violet if you don't actually want him to fix that -- and gives him a congratulatory peck. "Honey...I've got the whole West Coast!" Gay Matt rejoices. Okay. Where is that in relation to them? WHERE IS WISTERIA LANE? The Land of Perpetual Summer? Help! Lynette is stopped cold. She thought it was an in-house promotion, but apparently, it's actually setting up new offices from Seattle down to L.A. "I told you that," Gay Matt says. Not that we saw, pal. Damn these reality shows and their selective editing! Lynette is now repelled at the news that Gay Matt's big coup involves big travel, and she backs away from him. She complains that he's barely there half the time as it is, and now with Big Gay Matt's Big Gay Boat Ride up and down the West Coast, she'll never see him. Gay Matt orders her not to ruin this for him, because he's so thrilled, but Lynette would rather shackle him to the area than let him spread his wings for a while in the hope that another promotion might come that kept him home again. She has four kids. She ought to want him to rake in whatever cash he can. SO SHE CAN PAY A NANNY if she's so miserable. Lord. Sorry, I have latent Lynette frustration.

Lynette is pissed that Gay Matt didn't consult her about his new job. "You told me to step up!" Gay Matt protests. Lynette is mad that he didn't step up on her terms, though, and while I do think it's dicey that he didn't tell her it was a heavy traveling gig -- whether he meant to omit it or not -- I also think she kind of needs to be happy for him. Because in the long run, if she's not working, then I would imagine his success would be pretty vital to, oh, I don't know, the college funds of her triple terrors Psychology, Physics, and Poly-Sci, not to mention wee little Philosophy. Think big, Lynette. If you want to work again and help save for all that, you should talk about it NOW, please. Gay Matt washes his hands of her by saying he's going to go wash the rest of himself in the shower. "Wait!" Lynette calls out. "I know what this means to you..." she begins, but before the inevitable "but" comes, Gay Matt interrupts, "I'm forty-one years old. If I don't make VP now, it's never gonna happen. This is my career. It's important to me." Lynette points out that her career didn't exactly mean peanuts, but that she made compromises -- specifically, four babies. Gay Matt just looks at her. "I'm going to take the job," he says with a trace of resentment and condescension in his voice, as if he both can't believe she'd compare them and can't fathom why she isn't doing jumping jacks on the linoleum.

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Desperate Housewives

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