Desperate Housewives

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The Haves and Have-Nots

Edie and Creepy Dave are coming in from a bike ride, and Edie thinks they should go eat dinner at a fancy restaurant. He says she does like to live well, and she's all, "Why not?" She says that life is short (ooh, could this be foreshadowing her departure from the show?) and it mostly sucks, so you should live it up while you can. He says they can go anyplace she wants, so she suggests going away for the weekend to a five-star hotel with a great spa. He says he isn't sure, since he has a lot to do. But then she hears a distinct buzzing and starts to snoop around. He tells her that, on second thought, he'd love to go away this weekend. She should go book a hotel. When she leaves, he pulls out his briefcase full of prescriptions from Dr. Heller, and a cell phone that has a new voicemail. It's from Dr. Heller's receptionist calling to tell Dr. Heller she got his text, but people are starting to wonder what's going on. If he doesn't come back soon, she's going to have to tell people she doesn't know where he is. Uh-oh, Creepy Dave: You might be running out of time before someone finds you out.

His thoughts exactly, apparently, because he shows up in Mike's lawn and invites him and Katherine to go camping this weekend with him and Edie. Not exactly what Edie had in mind by five-star hotel with a spa, I'm thinking. Mike loves camping, but he isn't sure that Katherine wants to go. Creepy Dave says that Edie won't go if Katherine doesn't go, so Mike says he'll convince her since there's another woman going. Mike will dig his gear out tonight and thinks this will be fun. Creepy Dave says yeah, and then walks off looking sinister, saying, "This is gonna be fun." Here's the thing: That's just not who Creepy Dave is. He's a sad, mentally unstable guy wanting revenge, not some serial killer who thinks murder will be fun. At least that's what I think, but I guess I could still be very wrong about him.

In Bree's catering kitchen, Orson's admiring Andrew's pen (and, no, that's not a euphemism, THANK GOD). Andrew got a Mont Blanc pen, which Orson is jealous of (again, NOT a euphemism, although ... with the way this storyline goes, it sort of might as well be). Andrew says he's always wanted a Mont Blanc pen, and Orson guesses he can afford it now with his new raise. Andrew's surprised: "Oh, you heard about that?" Orson says he did, but then Bree storms in and interrupts with actual work. She tells them the Chamber of Commerce called to add forty people to the guest list. Orson's pissed, because he only planned for 100. But Andrew says it's no sweat. Because the Chamber's famous for doing this, he already booked the extras, and since it's last minute, they can get away with charging an additional 30 percent for the changes. Uh, yeah, I'm thinking he's worth that raise. But I think Orson's thinking he's just a bit of a show-off. Andrew leaves, and Bree asks what they'd do without Andrew. Orson agrees, and says he's worth every penny they pay him, then he asks how many pennies that is. She's not telling him, because it's not his business. She'll only say that Andrew moved into a new home, so she gave him a cost-of-living increase. Orson wonders whose cost of living, since he can afford rare wines and fancy pens. Orson's all, "Oh my god, is he making more than me?" She tells him to stop this and says she's not telling, and storms out.

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Desperate Housewives

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