Coma City. Susan is sitting with Mike when Ian walks in with pretty bouquet of little yellow and pink roses and tulips: "Here, these are for ruining our first date." Susan cutely dives to cover Mike's ears. See that, Married Ian? That's how a person is supposed to behave when they're talking about cheating right in front of her coma-locked mate. Susan pulls Ian out into the hallway and tells him that she thinks the fact that he had to lie about who Susan was to Jane's parents indicates that he's not ready to date. And frankly, neither is Susan. But Married Ian declares that he's no longer capable of being Just Friends. "Well," Susan tells him, "if we can't be friends, then I guess we're nothing." And like that, she just walks right back in to Mike's hospital room. I like Strong Susan! Ian, standing out there in the hall, holding his sad bouquet of flowers, really looks crushed. Accent Update: in this scene, Ian seems to have wandered away from his Scottish roots and landed somewhere mid-Atlantic, like he's Cary Grant or something.
Julie is at home, typing away on her laptop, when she notices that someone's blasting music on Wisteria Lane. She goes outside to investigate, and across the street finds an unattended motorcycle, surrounded by tools. There's a beatbox there, and it's cranking out anonymous "rap music." After looking around for its owner, Julie leans down and turns down the volume. Just then, Austin comes out from around the corner of Edie's house, notably without shirt. If I were to hazard a guess as to what he was doing back there, I'd say he was basting himself with baby oil, given his hairless chest's glowing sheen. The sight of it momentarily silences Julie. Confident in his powers over all women, fab-abs Austin swaggers over to ask Julie what her problem is; what, is she not a "music fan"? Julie: "Got anything where a pimp isn't beating a ho?" Hold it, is this "rap" song sampling "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night"?! Julie and Austin introduce themselves, and then Julie explains that she's trying to study, so like...? Abstin gives Julie a hard time about doing homework on a Saturday. Julie stares at him; then she sort of bitchily says, "Just keep it down. It was really loud." And then Abstin is all, "That's how I like it." Eeee! And then he leans in and whispers, "How do you like it?" Julie looks Abstin over with thinly veiled disgust and says, "You know what? You're not that hot." Oh, these two are so totally going to french soon!