Desperate Housewives
It Takes Two

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It Takes Two

Down at the church, the ladies are in the bridal chambers, putting the finishing touches on their outfits: pretty, simple, wine-colored cocktail dresses with spaghetti straps and a very "now" '50s profile. Both Susan's and Lynette's hair is remarkably flat, considering all the curler action. Maybe it's a humid day? Or maybe somehow all the curling converged on Gabby's head? Because her hair is a remarkable cascading mistake of curls, like a Prell commercial gone insane. Susan is dishing what she learned from Jackie: "So when I left the bank, I called the detective that worked the case, and he said that the only reason Orson was never charged was because they never found a body." Lynette's and Gabby's jaws swing wide; what should they do? Just then, Bree comes in, all out of breath because the "florist put three mums" in her bouquet, but she plucked them out! "Crisis averted," she says brightly. The Ladies look at her like, "Oh, honey, if you think that's a crisis, wait until you hear this!" Susan: "Bree, we have to talk." Lynette walks over and locks the door.

Elsewhere in the church, Orson paces impatiently. Reverend Sikes comes in, and Orson asks him if he knows what the source of the holdup is. Reverend Sikes: "You know women. They're probably in there, fussing about mascara and blush."

But ah, to the contrary! In an excellent contrast-cut, we return to the bride's room and see that Bree, at that very moment, is not touching up her mascara. Rather, she's insisting that Orson "did not hack [Alma] up and dissolve the pieces in acid!" Gabby: "I said it was a theory." The ladies encourage Bree to postpone the wedding -- just for an hour, just long enough for Bree to talk to the detective on Alma's case, or even talk to Orson directly. Bree: "I can't talk to Orson, it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding!" Lynette, wryly: "You know what's really bad luck? Marrying a wife-killer." Bree gets grumpy and tells them to drop it, but Susan sincerely tells her that the only reason they're "doing this is because [they] love [her]." Susan takes one last stab at it: "If you can honestly say that you don't have the slightest doubt..." Bree, defiantly, with hands on hips: "None whatsoever." The Ladies quietly gather their bouquets and file out of the room. But once she's alone, Bree takes a deep, nervous breath.

Out in the main area of the church. Bree takes her place at the head of the aisle, and the organ music starts in with the "dumb-dumb-da-dumb." The church is packed with people. And flowers. There are tons and tons and tons of white flowers all over the church: if this is what Bree managed to slap together in a matter of weeks, I'm actually frightened by what she could have done given a full year to plan. Snora is there, wearing a gigantic hat. Edie is in red, of course. Abs Austin is sitting next to her, and he's wearing a very strange black blazer with what appear to be white chalk lines all over it. Bree looks beautiful: her dress is strapless ivory brocade, her hair swept up into a complicated chignon. She takes a huge breath and slowly starts to make her way up to Orson, who's standing up at the front of the church looking nervous and proud. And then the "Doubts! The bride has doubts!" violins start to strum. Uh oh, here we go. (Hey, if you pause it right, you can see a few frames of Danielle, sitting up with Julie in the front row!)

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Desperate Housewives

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