Cut to Gabby walking into the house and presenting Carlos and the baby with the custody papers. Gabby: "Signed, sealed, delivered, Lily is ours!"
At the office, Tom asks Lynette if he can expect her home tonight, for ONCE, and Lynette goes in to check with Ed. She finds her boss sitting at his desk, holding his head forlornly. Lynette asks if he's had any "luck" (WINKIE!) with the whole IM thing, and he confesses that he's having a little trouble. He asked his wife what she was wearing, and she said "a yellow blouse." But he just didn't know what to say after that. He admits that he's "kind of blocked." Lynette: "You're an award-winning copywriter." Ed: "Yeah -- jingles for oatmeal, not softcore porn." As if those two things are mutually exclusive? Exasperated, Lynette sighs, "It's not brain surgery!" She comes around, pulls the keyboard out, and starts showing Ed how it's done. "I love the way that blouse CLINGS," she speaks and types, "to your body." Fran instantly responds, "ARE YOU JOKING?" Lynette answers, "Nothing funny about those beautiful breasts." Ed smiles with vicarious pride. Fran answers, "YEAH, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO DO TO ME?" Lynette looks questioningly at Ed, and he sputters and stalls. Just then, Jerry comes in to remind Ed about his conference call, and Ed races off, leaving Lynette to "finish up." And she actually does! With businesslike boredom, she tells Fran that Ed wants to touch every inch of her body, and so forth. Fran instantly types back to ask, "WILL YOU DO THAT THING WITH UR TEETH." Lynette gleefully responds that she will do whatever Fran wants. But first, she/Ed wants Fran to "touch" herself. Now Lynette is smiling, and it's not exactly clear if it's because she's enjoying herself on a more personal level, or if she's just taking a copywriter's pride in her wordsmithing. It's all so titillating.
Bree has fallen asleep reading a book called The Case Of The Missing Man (how apropos!). The phone rings: it's Hempy, and he's in "trouble." Why Hemps, is that "bowng chica bowng" porno music I hear thrumming in the background?
Cut to Bree standing outside an apartment door, the exact same music swelling from inside. She knocks, and a man wearing a feathered mask and boxers immediately answers. Bree is semi-thrown by his appearance, but she gamely asks if Hempy is available. The man calls his wife over, and she's, I guess, naked. She also has a very, very high voice. Happy, laughing people in similar stages of undress frolic in the background. My stars, is this one of those swinger parties? The squeaky woman invites Bree to take off her clothes and "jump right in," but Bree vociferously declines, and reiterates that she's there for Hempy, the man who's locked himself if in the bathroom. The husband-wife swinger team point her in the direction of the bathroom, but before Bree can make her break, the woman asks her if her red, red hair is natch? Bree, uncomfortable but flattered, tells the woman that it is her natural hair color, and the woman sighs with envy. She wishes she could have hair that beautiful, but hers is out of a bottle. Bree rather scandalously looks down at the woman's Southern regions, and then she says, "Yes, I'm aware of that." Pow, take that, you painted and loose succubus.