Desperate Housewives
It Wasn't Meant To Happen

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It Wasn't Meant To Happen

In the bathroom, Bree asks Hempy what's going on: "You can't possibly be turned on by what's going on out there?" Hempy pounces on Bree's revulsion: "Disgusting, isn't it?" Turns out he's staged this whole thing to give potential sponsor Bree an idea of what she'd be in for, dealing with a sex addict: "I can't make you not have feelings for me, but I can show you who I was, what my life was like." Bree tries to reassure him that he's no longer like that, but he insists that he's just one slip away from wearing a feather mask and boxers. And really, aren't we all? Hempy: "It's dangerous to care about me. A lot of people have over the years, and they all end up getting hurt." At some point in my development, after many failed attempts to fix people or wait them out, I realized that when a man warns you about his deficiencies, you should probably listen. But Bree just sits there and smiles: "Rex said he'd always be faithful. George said he'd never hurt me. And as it turned out, they were both liars. So as long as you're honest with me, you'd be amazed at what I can put up with."

At the office, Ed is lying on his couch, brooding. Lynette giggles her way through the door and asks, "Did you have a late night? I hope?" Ed: "It was horrible." Ha! Ed: "Why would you tell my wife to bite my nipple off?" Ha, ha! Whee! And yet...Ed didn't even review "his" IM session before he went home? That seems very, very stupid. Though once you're at the point of letting employees sex-talk your wife, you're already on shaky ground, intelligence-wise. Lynette burbles in confusion for a few beats, and then it dawns on her: "Ooohhhh, the honeymoon thing!" Ed: "Yeah, and it hurt like hell then, too." Maybe Ed needs a few lessons from Bree about being married to someone who takes John Cougar's "Hurt So Good" anthem to heart. And to bed. But that's the least of his worries now: apparently, Fran put two and two together, subtracted a nipple, and discovered the answer: a "stranger" seduced her over IM! And she sure was mad, like divorcing mad. The only way Ed managed to persuade her not to call her lawyer was by promising to fire the person who Cyrano'ed her online. But since he can't afford to lose Lynette, his right-hand woman, he told Fran it was Tom. Lynette tries to put her foot down, but Ed insists: "I don't have a damn choice. I can't be divorced. I can't." Lynette: "He's under contract. If you just fire him, he'll sue you and I'll back it up." Very softly, Ed says that he'll just have to go out and find some cause, then. Ed: "It shouldn't be too difficult, if I look hard enough."

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Desperate Housewives

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