Matthew is busy packing, and Caleb is despondently playing with wine glasses. Matthew casually mentions that Danielle is sad to hear that they're moving, and that she totally wants Caleb to come by and say goodbye -- maybe even give her a little kiss? And then Matthew drops this awesome piece of advice: she may pretend that she doesn't want to be Caleb's buss stop, but that's just for fun; she actually really, really does. Ew, totally creepy rape set-up!
Down at the Huskies' pep rally. MAVO: "Dale Helm, like all the students at Parsons Christian Academy, was taught that his future was safely in God's hands. What he didn't know was that Gabrielle Solis was about to force a fumble." Gabby struts into the gym -- wearing a weirdly gathered satin jacket, a sparkling and tight pencil skirt, and high, high gold heels (wow) -- and starts gesturing wildly at Encino Holt, a.k.a. Dale, who's wearing his football uniform and sitting with all his teammates. Dale tries to ignore her, so she starts marching right toward him. Dale springs to his feet and grabs her elbow to hustle her on out of there. Out in the hall, Gabby says, "Let's talk turkey: what is it going to take for you to give up the baby?" She offers him a car, and then offers to pay his college tuition, but he doesn't need her help: he's a superstar! His magnificent footballing is going to get him a scholarship, et cetera! Gabby asks why, then, does he want a baby? Wouldn't that ruin all the college fun? Oh, Dale doesn't want the baby; his brother Frank wants it so that he can use it as a prop to indicate how mature he's become, thereby luring Stripper Libby to come back to him. Gabby: "I am not letting that IDIOT use my baby as a bargaining chip!" She begs Dale to do the right thing, but he JUST CAN'T. He brusquely brushes past Gabby and rejoins the pep rally. Gabby looks stunned for a second, and then her stun melts into a side-jaw jut of stubbornness.
At the pep rally, the coach blows his whistle, and then asks the student body to bow their heads in prayer. (Lots of praying going on in the episode. And whistles.) The gym door slams open, and Gabby click-clacks into the silence. She shoves the coach to the side, steps up to the mic, and introduces herself to the crowd: "Hello, everyone! I'm Gabby Solis, class of '94, woohooo!" Silence. She then proceeds to unravel a meandering tale about what happens to talented football players' football scholarships when their religious school finds out they've impregnated strippers out of wedlock. Dale: "Gulp." You know, he also kind of looks like Michael Ian Black. Behold! Encino Holt Black!