Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dysfunctional Families

Orson's playing checkers with Benjy, and Benjy's winning. Orson's being very cute with him, all "Curse you and your diabolical checkers prowess," which gets big smiles from Benjy. Bree comes in and ruins it, as usual, asking Orson not to overexcite him on the upholstery. She then asks Danielle what she'd like as a side dish for her welcome-home party, to go with the beef tenderloin. Danielle informs her that none of them -- not even Benjamin -- eats meat; they're vegetarians. They have been ever since Danielle "realized that meat was a by-product of murder." Bree wonders if Danielle would be okay with it if Bree bought suicidal meat products. Orson tries to stop Bree, saying it's no big deal; he'll just make risotto. Bree says it's not about dinner; it's about Danielle's "nutty liberal politics" getting in the way of Benjamin's nutrition. Danielle says he gets all of his protein from beans and cheese and tofu. Bree says there are other things at stake here: Does Danielle want him to be teased at school when he pulls tofu out of his lunch box? Leo says that's not an issue because Danielle's home-schooling him. Bree's not pleased that Danielle's straight-C average is supposed to substitute for a proper school. Danielle points out he's reading way ahead for his age (he's six) -- at the third-grade level. Bree asks what happens next year when he overtakes Danielle. Orson reminds Bree: "Best behavior." But Bree being Bree cannot just sit by while Danielle makes parenting decisions, or, as Bree puts it, "while she degrades his body and his mind." Orson sighs. Danielle says she doesn't care what Bree says, because Danielle's his mother and Bree has no say in how he's raised anymore. As she walks out of the room she tells Bree to mark her calendar for Benjamin's bar mitzvah in seven years. Bree's at her wit's end. She looks at Benjy, who gives her the cutest little shrug of his shoulders, like, "What's a kid to do?"

Lynette walks in on Tom and Creepy Dave's jam session. Tom's very excited, telling Lynette that in addition to him on bass and Creepy Dave on drums, Mike plays guitar and he thinks Orson plays keyboards. "Do you see where I'm going with this?" Lynette says she does, but is hoping she's wrong. Tom says they're going to start a garage band. Lynette, "...And I wasn't." Tom says they could even get some gigs if they're good enough. Creepy Dave says all they need is practice time: a few nights a week and some weekends. Lynette reminds Tom of his current gigs: running a restaurant, being a husband and a father. She thought he wanted to spend more time with his family. Tom can muster no response other than, "But we could play clubs." Creepy Dave jumps in, saying guys need to blow off steam. Lynette asks Creepy Dave to stay out of it, then tells Tom he knows she's right because he's far too busy. She starts to walk off, but he stops her and says she can't tell him what to do and he will play bass if he wants to. He's not hurting anyone. She stoops to a new low, saying that those with hearing would beg to differ. He asks her to please leave their rehearsal space. She tries to argue, but he and Creepy Dave play over her and she turns and leaves. I know I said last week that I love Tom and Lynette's relationship and I still do. I think it's the most realistic of any couple on the show, by a landslide. That said, I don't like that she argues with him publicly like this, making him look like a fool in front of his friends. On the other hand, it's Creepy Dave, who I would not call a "friend" of Tom's or anyone's, so I also want Lynette to stand up to Creepy Dave's bad influence. Anyway, I still love them, and the fact that they have these real-life issues and arguments is probably part of that.

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Desperate Housewives

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