Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dysfunctional Families

Gaby's driving the new car, with the girls fighting in the back. Gaby asks them to knock it off, and then her car starts rattling and comes to a stop. Some jerk goes speeding by her, honking. Can I take a moment to talk about how much I HATE drivers who do that? I really hate people who drive by someone who is breaking down or in an accident and honk or flip them off, as if this other person's misfortune is an inconvenience to them. Which, maybe it is, but shut the hell up. The person who is broken down or in an accident did not choose for that to happen and is feeling way more inconvenienced and stressed than you. People who do this really should be sent to live on the same island with people who talk (or otherwise make noise) at the theater, and people who have LOUD cell phone conversations in crowded public places. These are all people who think about no one but themselves. Anyway, smoke is coming out of Gaby's hood. So she goes to see Andrew. She says he sold her a lemon. A mechanic told her the radiator's shot. He tells her he's had trouble with it for years, and she should use the jug in the trunk to fill it up with water when it's hot. Oh, and try to avoid hills and stay in the shade as much as possible. Gaby tells him she can't drive around avoiding gravity and the sun. He says she should buy a new car if she wants one without flaws. Gaby would rather take what's behind Door Number 3: Get the radiator fixed. But it's $300 and he's paying for it. He insists he's not because he already told her it was a piece of crap. She says she wants to talk to his mother, and he says Bree's in a meeting but he'll let her know, adding, "May I ask what it's regarding?"

Mike's finished helping out MJ and tells him to go outside and play. Mike tells Susan that MJ won't tell him who's picking on him, but he wanted Mike to teach him how to fight. Susan doesn't want him fighting because he's only five. Mike tells her every boy has to learn how to throw a punch eventually. Jackson interrupts and says they should teach MJ capoeira. Mike, always the guy's guy: "Capo-what?" Jackson explains that it's a Brazilian martial art that incorporates dance, and Mike is so not having his son learning to dance-fight. Jackson demonstrates how you catch your opponent off guard, and Susan's men end up play-fighting. Susan notices Juanita Solis picking on MJ outside. She gets up and asks him if that's who's been picking on him. He admits it, and she's like, "Don't you worry, because your dad's going to teach you to fight." So, she finds out it's a girl and all of a sudden she's all about MJ learning to fight? That's... odd. Mike agrees with me, and tells Susan he's not really comfortable teaching MJ how to fight a girl. Susan says Juanita's not just any girl, because "she could take down a small deer." And I have to say that I'm not sure being fat is the same thing as being tough, but whatever, show. Mike says if it wears a skirt it's off limits. Susan says feminism means that it's okay for a big, mean girl to get her butt kicked. I would just like to point out that that is not what feminism means. Susan asks Jackson to teach MJ the Brazilian kung-fu cha-cha, but Jackson's with Mike: "You can't hit girls." Susan's appalled, and calls them wusses. She's going to handle this one herself. Mike and Jackson continue to flirt and fight after Susan leaves. Can anyone say HoYay?

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Desperate Housewives

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