Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dysfunctional Families

MJ runs downstairs and Susan makes sure he has his whistle, which he is supposed to blow if Juanita comes around, and Susan will be right there to protect him. She then goes to dye her hair (remember the grey?), but right after she gets started, she hears the whistle blowing. She goes outside to find MJ on the ground asking for his whistle back, while Juanita stands over him blowing on it. Susan tells Juanita she's in "big trouble." Juanita asks what's on Susan's head, but Susan's not about to bond with the bully over her grey hairs. Instead she asks what happened, and Juanita tells her that MJ wouldn't let her blow his whistle. Susan asks if pushing him down was really a nice response to that, and how she would feel if someone did that to her. Juanita says she wouldn't care, and even if it hurt she wouldn't cry because she's not a crybaby like MJ. She says this in the most snotty little girl voice ever, and it sort of makes me start to hate her. Especially because MJ is so cute and quiet. The snotty voice and face were too much for Susan, too, so she pushes Juanita down. Juanita looks stunned, and Susan immediately feels bad, apologizes, and helps her up. She tells her she just wanted her to see how it felt. Gaby comes storming up and tells Susan she saw what just happened and tells the kids to get inside. Susan says it's not what it looked like, and Gaby's like, "Really? It looked like you body-slammed my daughter." Susan says it was just a tap, but Juanita was milking it. Gaby can't believe this defense, and Susan says she was trying to teach her not to be a bully, which she should have learned from her mother. Gaby says she's sorry, but she was busy explaining why MJ doesn't wear a dress like all the other girls. Susan says the conversation is over, and to tell Bob and Lee (where are they, I wonder?) that she'll pay for the dent in their lawn. Gaby shoves her as she walks away. Susan says she's taking the high road and walking away. Gaby tells Susan she can dye her hair all she wants but the grey will keep coming. Susan's had enough and attacks Gaby. They're rolling around in the grass when Edie drives by and scoffs, "And they call me white trash?"

Creepy Dave shows up at Lynette's. He tells her he heard about the accident and bought Tom a new bass. Lynette says they can't accept it. Creepy Dave says it's a selfish gift because he was having too much fun to give it up. Lynette tells him she's sorry, but maybe he should try skateboarding with Orson. They really are making her out to be the death of fun this episode, aren't they? And right after she was all cool on Silverfizz, just like all the other kids (only in a mom-flirting-with-son way), last week. Creepy Dave says that Tom actually needs this. Lynette asks how he thinks he knows her husband better than she does. He talks about how she made him get rid of all of his things, and she obliviously says, "You mean his junk?" Yeah, I hate to side with Creepy Dave, but you're helping him make his point here, Lynette. Creepy Dave asks if Lynette knows what a midlife crisis is? She says her husband has a red convertible so, yeah, she gets it. But Creepy Dave tells her how it happens: A guy gets a certain age and realizes he'll really die someday and he's everything he'll ever be. He's never going to be rich, or climb a mountain. He tells her some guys do bad things with those thoughts, and that playing in a garage band is pretty harmless. Lynette asks if Creepy Dave plans to save her marriage by giving Tom a bass. He says he's not going to; she is. And then he gives her the bass with a creepy pat on her shoulder. And he leaves. Lynette, for the first time in possibly ever is speechless.

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Desperate Housewives

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