Susan's foray into the online porn industry gets a little bit interesting this week, when she moves on from cleaning in her pajamas to having one-on-ones with perverted old men. When she can't hack it, she quickly goes from "Tanya" to fired. Until someone keeps calling Maxine asking for Tanya. He offers enough money for her to take Susan back, and for Susan to go back (although it probably wouldn't take all that much money, after Mike discovered the missing money from their bank account). She drinks wine to work up her nerve, then fires up the webcam only to find Paul Young on the other end. He somehow looks even skeevier on a computer monitor, and it doesn't help when he blackmails her, saying he'll spill her secret if she doesn't sell him her house. And then Mary Alice tells us that Paul (whom she keeps calling "Paul Young," which is so weird since he's her husband) has a plan to turn everyone on Wisteria Lane against each other -- and it's going to succeed.
Lynette, meanwhile, is on her nanny hunt, until Tom hires his mom, Allison (played by True Blood's Lois Smith), to do the job. She's great with the baby, but Lynette hates that Tom turns into a Neanderthal when she's around, all holding up his coffee cup to have it refilled and having her remake breakfast so he can have French toast instead of eggs. And, when Allison starts to treat Lynette's boys the same way she does Tom but expects Penny to help her wait on them, Lynette's had enough. She tells Allison that's not how they live in this house, and that maybe it didn't work out so well for her, either, given that her husband cheated and left. Lynette hires "boobs" as the nanny instead, but Tom fires her and puts his foot down: He's bringing his mom back. She and Lynette have a moment, in which they tearfully agree to disagree. And then it seems Allison has Alzheimer's. I mean, don't all old people?
Elsewhere: Bree and Hot Handyman have more sex than she can handle, which she thinks is because he's young and virile but turns out to be because he's trying to keep her interested. And Gaby and Renee become the latest frenemies, until they're just enemies, then finally friends. They bond over their beauty, then fight over their inability to keep secrets (Renee spills that Gaby had a nose job, and Gaby tells Renee's husband that Renee slept with his divorce lawyer). They forgive and forget, though, when Renee realizes Gaby's the only one who was a good enough friend to tell her the truth. (I'm really not sure why Gaby would forgive Renee for ratting out her nose job, but I guess this show has a policy that Renee has to resolve her fights with our main characters in one episode.)
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Previously: Bree and Hot Handyman heated things up. Gaby bonded with her biological daughter. Lynette needed a nanny. Susan had to pay $9,000 to keep her online cleaning-porn job a secret, but a mystery man picked up her poster. Also, I recapped two seasons of this show and now I've decided to move on. I'll still be around, writing about Chuck and How I Met Your Mother and The Apprentice and various other shows, and maybe I'll come back here to visit from time to time. Thankfully, this episode was the best one in awhile.
Anyway, we pick up with Mary Alice Voiceovering to us about Emma Graham (played by singer Dana Glover, who should perhaps mean something to me but doesn't). Emma's a housewife and mother who wants to be so much more than that (don't they all?). So she puts together a cabaret show to show them all just how amazing she is. Her neighbors (our ladies of Wisteria) all show up at the Smokehouse Lounge to watch her. MAVO says they all learned Emma Graham wasn't so ordinary. As a sax player Kenny G.'s along with her, Emma sings breathily and plays piano. Tom, Lynette and Carlos all watch attentively from a table in the bar. And Mrs. McCluskey and Lee watch from another table. Emma's daughter and husband watch from another. Then Gaby and Renee break it all up by stumbling out of the kitchen in a fistfight. Lee tries to break it up and gets thrown easily aside, then Renee lands a punch to Gaby's nose, which ends up bleeding.
"One Week Earlier." MAVO tells us that "she" knew what she was doing was wrong, dangerous, and had risks. But Susan was determined to get back to Wisteria Lane, which is how her world began to fall apart. She opens up her camera and introduces herself as "Tanya" to some guy who's just obsessed with seeing her boobs. He calls them jugs, then tots, then moneymakers, but Susan won't show 'em, and instead slams the computer shut. Maxine pops up from nowhere and tells Susan she cost them a major client by pulling the plug mid-session. Maxine says she can't keep giving Susan chances. When another guy calls and asks for a private session with Tanya, Maxine tells him right in front of Susan that Tanya doesn't work for her anymore.