Desperate Housewives

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Love Hurts

Bree and Hot Handyman finish up a date, with her apologizing for taking him to such a fancy place with so many forks. He kisses her on the cheek and goes to leave, but she tells him to stop being so sweet and take her inside. They make out. Cut to the next day, with her telling the ladies she had sex three times the night before. Gaby even realizes it's more interesting than whatever she was going to say about her conversation with her biological daughter, Grace. Bree goes on and on about how sex with someone in his 30s is life-changing, like opera. Gaby: "You fell asleep during it?" Dude, Gaby, the snarking is supposed to be my job. Stop being so good at it. They see Renee coming, and Gaby takes the opportunity to tell Lynette that she doesn't like her, since she's kind of a self-absorbed narcissistic diva. Lynette acknowledges they do already have one of those.

Renee joins them on the porch with a bottle of champagne to celebrate all the money she just got in her divorce settlement, despite having a prenup. When Bree complains that Renee added champagne to her iced tea, Renee says, "Well, I just made it fun." And, really, Bree could use a little bit of that. Renee wants to have them all over for dinner, since she has more champagne, caviar, "and a pile of money to roll around naked in." Gaby's totally in as long as there's more champagne. Bree can't make it: She has to carbo-load for her date. Lynette wishes she could, but they haven't found a nanny and Tom's working, so... Renee cuts her off with "Yawn." Susan? She would, but it's macaroni and coupon-clipping night at her house. (Have any of the writers on this show ever met an actual poor person?) Renee: "Yawn and sad." So it's just Gaby and Renee. Or, as Renee calls them, "Gabs and 'Nee." Lynette says that's great, since they have so much in common! Gaby looks pained.

Lynette sends away a prospective nanny and tells Tom she's having no luck with her nanny hunt. They're all either inexperienced or too expensive. Tom wonders about the one with the boobs, but Lynette's certainly not interested in having that girl around, duh. Tom tells Lynette not to give up, since he found them one more applicant. As a car door closes outside, Tom reminds Lynette she used to hate yams, then realized they were okay, then realized she liked them and they're great. Lynette asks what he did and looks outside. She turns and asks if he's insane, then someone knocks at the door. When he answers, it's his mom, played by Lois Smith (True Bloods Gran).

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Desperate Housewives

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