Desperate Housewives

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Love Hurts

Tom comes home to find a cute girl holding Paige. She says she's Jenny, the new nanny. Lynette comes down and whispers to Tom that Jenny's the one with the boobs, remember? He does, so she says "You're welcome." He asks to talk to her upstairs and says he'll be right up. She waits for him in the bedroom, when he comes in and says he fired Jenny (um, then where is Paige?). She says he had no right, but he says she had no right to make his mother feel unwelcome. Lynette says she loves his mother, and would be so on board with her parenting techniques if this were 1955. She says she will not let Allison raise their children to turn out like... When she stops herself short of saying it, Tom asks her to finish that sentence, and she admits that when they met, he thought women's two roles were making a cake or jumping out of one. She says she just doesn't want Allison here. Tom says Lynette's made the decisions their entire marriage, but he's making this one: His mom stays.

To remind us that Susan still has a day job at M.J.'s school, we get to see her dismiss her class before taking a phone call from Maxine, who offers her her job back. Susan asks why, and Maxine says a guy keeps calling for a private session with her and he's starting to offer some serious money.

Emma thanks Gaby and Carlos for coming to her cabaret show, and Gaby's all "Yeah, yeah. Are you going to sing any songs about a woman who's a backstabbing bitch?" Carlos tells Emma they're really looking forward to it, then, when Emma leaves, asks Gaby to get over it and go sit with their friends. But Gaby's sick of the Cyrano de Bergerac (whose name she mispronounces and then she calls him a "she") jokes. Carlos says they're just teasing her, but Gaby says it's not funny: Her thing was her natural beauty. Like Susan's an artist, Lynette's a great businesswoman, and Bree's a perfect homemaker. Gaby was the beautiful one, and now she's the plastic one. Renee and Doug come in, and Gaby says there's the woman to blame. She's like to smack the smile off her face. "Which, by the way, has been pulled so tight, it would probably smack me back." And, in Vanessa Williams's case, I think that is reality.

Doug and Renee make complimentary small talk about which one of them it is that everyone's staring at. Then Mrs. McCluskey and Lee find Gaby at the bar and Mrs. McC makes a nose joke. Gaby, with olives lined up so we know she's had more than a handful of martinis, tells them it's all crap. Lee tells her not to lie; that'll make it long again. They giggle and leave. The bartender tries to send a free bottle of champagne over to Doug Perry, so Gaby offers to deliver it. She staggers to their table, and tells him it's on the house and, oh, by the way, Renee slept with his lawyer. She staggers off, and Doug asks if that's true. She tries to explain, but he leaves. Just then, the emcee introduces Emma Graham, and Gaby "whoo"s loudly enough for Renee to notice, and take off into the kitchen with Gaby. This is the other view of where the episode began, as they scream at and insult each other in the kitchen. Gaby says her nose and Renee's marriage are both fake. Renee calls Gaby a boring housewife, and Gaby asks what you call a girl who sleeps with a guy for $8 million. This is the moment they start fighting and tumble out into the bar in their fight. Lee's thrown aside, Gaby's punched in the nose, etc.

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Desperate Housewives

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