Gabby is crabby. It seems Carlos is refusing to pay her crazy-high demands of spousal support, so she's hosting a big garage sale to make ends meet, and everything she's selling belongs to Carlos: his golf clubs, his fancy cufflinks, his baby blanket (hand-knitted by his mother)...everything. Carlos rolls up (she made sure to send him a flier about the big sale) and he is not pleased. Carlos threatens that if she doesn't call off the garage sale, "the gloves are coming off." Gabby: "Oh honey, the gloves aren't just off, they're [yelling to the milling crowd garage-sale shoppers] 70% OFF! Get your cashmere gloves!"
It turns out that Lynette has another flaw: she's also a creepy competitive sports mom. Parker doesn't want to play in little league anymore, and Tom gave him permission to quit, but Lynette is having none of it. Way to undermine your husband, Lynette! She forces her son outside, where she throws balls at him, and he stands there, whining that all the balls she's throwing are too fast! Lynette: "If I threw any slower, we would be bowling." Tom comes outside and asks what they're up to. Lynette: "I'll tell you what we're not doing: quitting." Tom is confused. Lynette says that Parker has "five more games" and that he "made a commitment," so he's playing some god-damned baseball. Tom, under his breath, points out that not only does Parker hate baseball, but he "kinda sucks." Lynette blah-blahs about sending Parker the right "message" about what someone does when the "going gets rough." Tom accuses her of being a "hard ass." And her ass does look very firm in this scene. Lynette: "It's called parenting, Tom. Watch and learn." Lynette throws Parker another ball, and this time it hits him. Lynette sure is fun.
Ian and Susan have extended their three-day weekend at the cabin to a full week, and now they're giddily trying to invent another excuse for staying for yet another day. So Susan's been up there all this time, unreachable, without cell phone coverage, and yet she hasn't found a way to get in touch with Julie to tell her where she is? Julie must really be worried sick by now. Or at least she would be if the writers weren't so busy warping time for the convenience of the storyline. But okay, Susan has been away for over a week, drunk on sex, and has no idea that Mike is awake, fine. "If we keep this up, we could be here until Christmas," Susan jokes. And (again!) the way things work on this show, she's probably right. Ian tells Susan that he thinks he's falling in love with her, and Susan actually seems kind of into it. They kiss, they snuggle. Ugh, it's hard to watch, isn't it?