Desperate Housewives
Like It Was

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Like It Was

At the House of Many Bribes and Many Brothers. Tom reports that Parker has been kicked off of his team, and so has Nicky. Nice work, Lynette. But Lynette of course is not shamed: her cause was noble! She was just trying to rebuild Parker's "shattered self-esteem"! Tom, unable to resist a little I Told You So, says how things would have been so much better if Lynette had just let Parker leave the team like he wanted to. Remember that part? Lynette: "Well excuse me for not wanting my son to be a quitter!" Lynette doesn't actually have a great sense of priorities: quitting little league isn't nearly as bad as getting kicked off little league because your mother has no confidence in you. What is Lynette's hang-up with "quitting"? It's confusing. But then Tom puts it together: Lynette's obsession with Parker quitting is clearly really about her rage over Tom being a quitter! Subconsciouses are complicated. They scream that she just won't let him live his dreams, and how she too has a dream, and that's "keeping this house." Just then Parker walks in, all suited up for baseball practice, and asks them what they're fighting about. Lynette tries to spin their rage at each other as "excitement" over the fact that they've decided that Parker no longer has to play baseball. But, ironically enough, thanks to Parker's one hit, the kid is now totally thrilled and excited about baseball. He races outside, yelling at his parents to come help him practice. Tom, brushing past Lynette: "So what's on the next page of your parenting handbook?" Exactly.

Back at the Cabin of Unfortunate Lack of Chemistry. Susan is cramming her stuff into the trunk of the car and frantically scolding Ian to hurry. Ian mumbles something British about gas valves and raccoons and doors that need to be locked. Susan, near tears: "I bet you'd move faster if Jane were awake." He glares at her, stung.

Contrast-cut to Edie, in bed with Mike. She's showing him a book of photos. "Here's the picture you took of me in my bikini at that pool party. You could have warned me I was showing a little nip!" Ha ha. Nipples, like crabs, are funny. Edie points to a photo of Susan and tests the waters by asking him if he remembers her. Mike Frankengroans that he remembers Susan, and that she's "pretty." Edie: "Yeah, she is. Sort of. In this picture. Is there a date on this thing?" Also ha! Mike: "The nurses said that she visited me a lot. We were close, huh?" And like Parker diving on Nicky's fifty-dollar soft pitch, Edie starts swinging. She passionately tells Mike all about how Susan "slept with other guys," and then she reminds Mike how he dumped her "twice." Which is actually all true. Mike, looking confused, wonders why Susan kept coming by the hospital, considering their history. Edie says that Susan's now a "bit of a stalker" and that Edie was worried that Susan was going to "disconnect one of [Mike's] tubes or something." And then the final blow. Edie: "But don't worry. She's glommed onto some new guy and she's up at the mountains at his place with him right now." Edie rubs Mike's hand. Mike, all spaced out, says, "[Susan] told the nurses that she really loved me." Edie: "That's the one thing about Susan that you can never forget: she is a liar." Huh, I guess Edie still doesn't feel even with Susan for sleeping with Karl, even after burning Susan's house down. The camera pulls back to reveal...

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Desperate Housewives

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