Desperate Housewives
Like It Was

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Like It Was

...Orson, watching Mike and Edie through the hospital room's window. The "Ominous Oboe" swells. Mike's doctor appears and tells Orson not to be surprised if Mike fails to recognize him when he goes inside, what with his "significant memory loss." Orson smiles. Doctor: "Sure you don't want to go in? Miss Britt's here all the time, she won't mind." Orson, menacingly: "No, I've waited this long, I can wait a bit longer." Hm, if Orson still has it in for Mike, why did he wait until he woke up to bump him off? It seems like Mike would be pretty helpless lying there in a coma. Maybe Orson has a car fetish and can only kill people by turning them into speed bumps? Somehow that wouldn't be a surprise.

Casa Mr. and Mrs. I Hate You, I Hate You, Too. Carlos comes home, his arms stuffed full of groceries. His key no longer works. Gabby has changed the locks. He pounds on the door, but there's no answer, so he heads over to the window and spies Gabby sitting in the living room with her heels kicked up, sipping on what appears to be an iced coffee. Gabby is still wearing her slutty coral snake top, so it's either the same day, or she has yet to change after a full night stripping at The Fairview Full-view. Carlos yells through the window that his key isn't working. Gabby, like a kindergarten teacher to small child: "That's probably because I had the locks changed." Carlos puts down his groceries and picks up a patio chair and poises himself to throw it right through the window. Gabby casually picks up the phone and walks away from the window. She dials 911 to report an "intruder"; behind her the chair blasts through the window. Gabby: "Can you tell them to come armed? [And then, in a conspiratorial whisper] I think he's Mexican." Whee!

Cut to Carlos in cuffs, trying to explain to two cops about how he actually owns the house, and that he and Gabby are married. Gabby confesses that they actually are married, but they're going through a messy divorce. Gabby: "And everyone knows, the wife keeps the house and the husband gets the crappy apartment. It's the American way!" The two policemen exchange glances. Carlos screeches that Gabby's just trying to punish him. Cop One to Carlos, sympathetically: "I hear that. You believe the stuff my wife pulled when we split." The cop unlocks Carlos's cuffs, and Gabby gets all bent out of shape about how cops aren't allowed to "take sides." To underline her pique, she lightly hits the cop on the arm, which the cop chooses to interpret as assault. Gabby tries to explain to the other cop that it was just a "swat," and to illustrate, she hits him, too. Gabby is an idiot. Calling 911 for her own peevish purposes? Touching a policeman? Idiot.

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Desperate Housewives

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