Desperate Housewives
Listen To The Rain On The Roof

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Listen To The Rain On The Roof

Orson is washing wine glasses in Bree's sink. He's wearing rubber gloves again, but this pair is a cheerful yellow. Bree is on the phone, telling another friend that they need to act surprised when the engagement gets announced at Saturday's party. Orson teases her gently (and of course creepily) that there's going to be nothing left to announce, what with her telling everyone in advance. Bree asks him why he's rewashing the wine glasses, and he tells her that he spotted some streaks. As he starts telling her about the kind of formulae he likes to use in these situations ("undiluted red wine vinegar"), Bree looks shocked. At first it's not clear if she's mad that he's second-guessing her cleaning powers or what. But then, as he explains what he likes to do with tougher stains ("a fifty-fifty mix of alcohol and water, and for those really...intractable stains, we're talking shower doors, I wipe on lacquer thinner with a towel"), she grabs him and kisses him and drags him upstairs before he even has a chance to turn off the sink faucet. It looks like Orson has found Bree's trigger: cleaning fluids. Wow, just wait until she sees him in his black rubber gloves.

Upstairs, Bree and Orson kiss and make sexy noises. Orson pulls off his rubber gloves with his teeth, and Bree struggles out of her shirt (nice mauve bra!). Orson starts heading down to "Mexico," and Bree taps him on the shoulder and asks him, "Did you lose something?" His head pops back up and he mutters something about how he "just thought..." Then Bree delivers the line that you've seen in the preview five billion times: "I don't do that, I'm a Republican!" Orson: "I'm a Libertarian. I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights." I've never heard it described in just that way before! Orson proceeds with what we presume is Bree's very first oral examination. Oh god, I can't look. Downstairs, the water starts to fill up the sink. Orgasmic, Bolero-style music swells. Water starts flooding out on the floor. Upstairs, Bree sits up with a gasp: "Oh no!" Orson scurries back up to head level and looks into her mouth, "What? You didn't crack that veneer again, did you?" Bree gasps that she has to leave.

Bree's sitting on an examination table in a hospital emergency room. The doctor examining her is played by a woman I totally recognize, but since she's been in every television show ever created, I can't figure out where I know her from. Bree's describing how she thinks something inside her may have "ruptured." Or maybe it was a "spasm" or even a "small stroke." The doctor starts asks about the severity of the pain, Bree tells her that, oddly enough, it didn't hurt. Finally, the doctor cottons to the truth: "What were you doing at the time?" Bree: "I was with my fiancé. We were...lying down. Resting." The doctor informs Bree that she thinks what happened to her is called an "orgasm." Bree doesn't believe that's the case. You see, she's had orgasms before. The doctor gives her a disbelieving "mm-hmm?" Then she asks Bree to describe these supposed orgasms. Bree: "You know, that warm sensation, that tingling feeling of relief when it's over. This was much--" Doctor: "Better?" Bree, surprised by the dawning truth of it, agrees. Doctor: "That's because it was an orgasm."

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Desperate Housewives

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