Just then, Nora herself moseys up and says, in a weird robotic baby voice, "Don't fight! It's the holidays!" Lynette sighs and then sternly explains to Nora that she would "prefer" it if Nora weren't in her family photo. Nora's expression sours, and she turns to daughter Kayla and says, "Honey, we gotta go. They're kicking us out." Ugh, she's awful. Tom tries to stop them from leaving, explaining that Kayla is actually still welcome to stay. Nora: "If I'm not your family, then she's not your family." Double ugh. Way to put your child's best interests first, lady. Kayla -- who is wearing a very cute velvet dress and a ribbon in her hair -- sincerely tells Tom and Lynette that it's fine if she's not in the picture; she doesn't mind. Lynette's heart breaks just a bit, and she caves. So okay, everyone's in the picture! Really, what's the problem? Can't they just Photoshop Nora out later? And that's exactly what Lynette whisper-suggests to Tom as they're setting up for the Full Family shot: "Put Crazy at the end and we'll crop her out later." Should I be worried that I'm beginning to think like Lynette? But Nora's wind is up, and as the camera timer's about to go off, she says, "I think this is a little stiff...I have a really fun idea." And then she leaps across the couch, spreading herself over the laps of all four Scavo children, Playboy bunny-style. The camera snaps just in time to capture Lynette's horrified expression. Okay then, can't they just retake the shot? Apparently, they cannot; the Scavos are stuck with this single, one shot. Merry Christmas!
[Meta report: At this point in the recap, I've decided to take the advice of fellow recappers Sobell, Keckler, and AB Chao, whom I had dinner with over the summer (yes, they are all as pretty as they sound). I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine, because apparently recaps, like late-night phone calls, go better with alcohol. You shall see!]
Casa "Hell is Other People's Children." Gabby, looking a little shopworn, brings a food tray to Xiao Mei the Money, who is lying in the master bed and looking very, very pregnant. Money is cranky that her lunch (soup and a pickle) includes no crackers. Gabby apologizes, saying that it's all they have. Money snidely asks, "Ever heard of a store?" and then she throws her pickle onto the floor. Gaby does some squawking that Money had better come and pick up the pickle (which sounds titillating but is not), until Money not-so-sweetly reminds her that picking up pickles isn't good for the baby. Money sure has acquired some unpleasant characteristics. I guess living with Gabby can do that to a girl. Gabby, chastened, turns to leave, but Money calls her back and demands that Gabby rub her feet. Gabby: "Cut it out, Xiao Mei, the doctor didn't say anything about rubbing your chubby stumps." By the way, if I ever get married, I want "rubbing your chubby stumps" to be part of my vows. Gabby points out that Money could have it worse: she could be staying with Mr. Solis in a "dingy, one-bedroom apartment," with "no air conditioning and no cable." And yet didn't Gabby forbid Money from going off with Carlos? Money: "You are meanest person I know!" Gabby: "I am THE meanest person. You've been in this country a year. Modify your nouns, dammit." Money, deliberately: "What a bitch." Looks like somebody's been listening to Top Chef Dave Martin. The "girl fight" music swells, and Gabby tirades that the second that baby's born, she's going to put Money on the "first plane back to Shanghai, and [Money's] going to going to be on all fours in a rice paddy before the epidural wears off." These two sure are fun. It's like a winsome girlish sleepover, only with threats and racial slurs. Money whines that Gabby promised to help her "start a new life" working at a restaurant in Chinatown. Fairview has a Chinatown? Gabby: "Tell that to my Chinese friend, Sue Me." Somehow I don't think it's altogether wise of Gabby to remove Money's one incentive for sticking around?