Desperate Housewives
Listen To The Rain On The Roof

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Listen To The Rain On The Roof

[Meta report: The kind of chardonnay you find at the bottom of the refrigerator, the remnant of some long-ago party? Doesn't actually taste so great. Ice cubes. I'm adding ice cubes.]

Down at the coma ward, Susan is shaving off Mike's round-the-clock shadow. So far, she's managed to nick him in four places. Of course. You know something, I think Teri Hatcher has gained some weight over the summer; she actually looks pretty good! That makes me very happy. A doctor comes in and reports that the results of Mike's latest MRI are unchanged. Susan brightly asks how soon it's going to be until the next MRI. The doctor kindly tries to temper her optimism, but she's convinced that he's coming back to her, and cites a coma patient in Peru who came back after ten years of unconsciousness; Mike's only been down six months.

Bree and Orson are at home, finishing up a risotto dinner. Orson retrieves a pink pastry box from the kitchen: it contains a little tartlet and a little cake that looks an awful lot like a Tiffany box. Bree, who is too full for dessert, tries to balk. Orson: "Here, let me take half." He reaches over and pulls the lid off the box dessert. It's a ring! Bree is shocked. This is so sudden, etcetera. Orson: "I've only known you for six months, but I've loved you every minute of it." Which would be sweet, coming from someone other than a wife-murdering, black-rubber-glove-wearing hit-and-run artist. Bree hesitates: since Rex died, she hasn't been "exactly lucky in love." Orson passionately explains that he too once thought like that: "When Alma left me, I was shattered. But I realize now it was the luckiest day of my life, because I was free when I met you." Bree sits there looking pained for a few moments, and then relents. Oh, Bree. Orson slides the ring onto her finger, and then casually breaks the bow off the top of the box-cake and eats it -- a simple act that he manages to make look wildly sinister.

Next, MAVO introduces us to Ian Hainsworth: Ian is a very sad man whose wife, Jane, has been in a coma ever since she was in a "tragic horseback-riding accident" three years ago. We get a quickie montage of Ian buying coffee from the hospital vending machine and looking glum. Then we see him run into Susan, and they exchange sad smiles. Next, we see them hanging out together, sipping coffee. As MAVO coyly points out, "Misery loves company, and Ian was loving this company more and more every day."

In the now. Susan -- wearing a very clingy dress in light blue silk jersey -- is exercising Mike's arm by rotating it in a circle. Suddenly, she gets an itch on her face and uses Mike's hand to scratch it, which...weirdly cute! Ian walks in carrying two cups of coffee and busts her mid-"coma patient puppet" act. He holds out one of his cups and invites her to come have coffee. Unfortunately, she's late for a lunch with the ladies. At least, she thinks that she's late. Is it 1 PM yet? Just the opportunity Ian was looking for: he busts out a watch, which he has purchased specially for Susan, inspired by her constant need to run out into the hospital hallway to find out what time it is. Incidentally, Ian has a lordly English accent of the kind rarely heard off the Elizabethan stage. (My boyfriend, Marco, was convinced it was a fake, but I thought it sounded too overblown and forced-sounding to actually be fake. And I was right! Actor Dougray Scott was born in Scotland. Whatever that means.) Susan tries to reject the gift as too extravagant, but Ian points out that it's a "Fauxlex." He says something fantastically sincere to the effect that it would make him "happy" if Susan accepted his shitty knockoff watch. So Susan takes it and scampers off to lunch, and Ian watches her go with an "I wonder what color underwear she has on" stare. I can't tell, is he cute? Or super-sleazy? He's like Eric Roberts in that way; they both share that same attractive repulsiveness.

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