With much reluctance, Lynette helps crabapple neighbor McLandingham with her acute arthritis/loneliness, ultimately earning Lynette some much-needed likeability points. And a Tiffany lamp. The body in the toy chest is identified as Dierdre, the woman Mike has been searching for high and low. A crooked cop gives Mike the police file on Dierdre, along with a juicy black eye. Carlos cuts up Gabby's credit cards, so Gardener John steps up with his junior credit card, which Gabby actually uses. Bree invites Reverend Sikes over for some homemade sausage and anti-gay counseling for Andrew, which makes for some excruciating dinner conversation. Besides, Andrew isn't really gay (or at least not entirely...sometimes he likes "vanilla ice cream," sometimes "chocolate"), he just claimed to be to get sent home from Camp Cordial (and its close quarters packed with temptingly wayward boys). Also, Andrew? Is a very, very bad seed. Susan is still that particular shade of break-up blue, which isn't at all brightened by the parade of Schnapps-toting men her mother brings home. Also, Susan's mom? Is very, very ticklish.
Previously on Desperate Housewives: Susan's mom coming to stay; Gabby painting her toenails defiantly and refusing to sign the post-nup, Gabby getting her wrist twisted and crying "stop, you're hurting me" as Carlos forces her to sign that post-nup, Gabby looking for sexy-time over at Gardener John's; Mike gazing forlornly at a photo of himself with Deirdre, Mike getting arrested right there in the middle of Wisteria Lane, Mike getting bailed out by Frank; and Rex telling Bree that Andrew just confessed he might be gay. Over the flashbacks, the MAVO tells us that "you can't change what's already been done. Or who people really are."
In the now, Mary-Alice turns her knowing voice to the task of describing the complicated inner workings of Lynette. "Every morning as she went to take out her trash, Lynette Scavo would indulge in a little daydream, the details of which were always the same. One day her nasty neighbor Karen McCluskey would keel over and die." Here we see the oft-previewed shot of Mrs. McLandingham keeling over sideways, plank-style, with her hose fountaining merrily off to the side for the entire arc of her fall. "And her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family with two adorable twin daughters." How sad that when Lynette fantasizes about Swedish twins moving in next door, it isn't a sexy dream full of tanning oil and saunas but a boring hope for blond and creepy redrum twins as playmates for the Ps. "The families would form an everlasting friendship, culminating in their daughters marrying her sons, in an elaborate wedding that the Scavos wouldn't have to pay for." Here we see Lynette, mysteriously untouched by age in her far-off fantasy future, smiling from the front pew of a twin-on-twin wedding, "Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydreams. But Mrs. McCluskey always had a way of pulling her back reality."
Back in the real world of Wisteria Lane, Mrs. McLandingham is dragging two old-school Oscar-the-Grouch garbage cans across the street. I didn't know anyone still used metal trash cans anymore. Lynette runs after her and stops her with a "hey, hey, hey!" Apparently the garbage truck came a-collecting two entire days ago, but the Scavos still hadn't taken in their cans, so Mrs. McLandingham just assumed they didn't want them anymore. "Very cute," Lynette says, and starts dragging-scraping-clanging the cans back to her side of the street. Maybe if Lynette treated herself to some of those new, magical garbage cans with the wheels, she'd be a little more excited about retrieving her emptied trashcans in a timely fashion. Mrs. McLandingham yells after Lynette that it's bad enough they have to look at the god-awful colors the Scavos painted their house, they shouldn't have to look at their cans for days on end. But Lynette has a nice can. Also, I have no idea what Mrs. McLandingham is talking about here, with the color of Lynette's house. The Scavos have many faults, but the color of their house -- a tame and subdued and virtually unnoticeable avocado -- is the very least of their problems. Lynette lashes back with a barb about Mrs. McLandingham's jungle-lawn, suggesting she hire a gardener. Gardener John, perhaps? Now that's something I'd like to see: Mrs. McLandingham "getting her lawn trimmed" by Gardener John. Well, not see, exactly.