Desperate Housewives
Live Alone and Like It

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Live Alone and Like It

Meanwhile, Mike's face is a rainbow of sadness and disappointment. And a big crooked-cop bruise. Ding-dong, now who is that at the door? Why, it's Sophie! Oh, cringe. "Susan still loves you," she blurts the second Mike opens the door. Ugh! Susan's Mom! There is something so particularly horrifying about ditsy missteps born from the very best intentions. Mike looks dazed, though that could just be the blows to the head, and in a wandering kind of voice he tells her that now isn't the very best time. And yet? She insists on pushing it: "She just misses you so much!" Eeee. "Sophie, I just found out that someone I was very close to is dead…I just don't have time to think about Susan right now." And even that isn't enough to derail Sophie. Sophie is an embarrassment machine! "She's just very, very unhappy, and if you could just…" "I really…don't…sorry," he says as he closes the door. With a sad shuffle he goes to his table and opens Deirdre's police file. Attached to the picture of the lake-muddied toy chest is a list. And looky, looky! Isn't that neighbor Paul's name on the manifest?

Andrew is at church, and he's…swearing in the Reverend? The old man's hand is on, I guess, a bible, and he's promising not to reveal anything that is said today. Is that standard practice? I thought the whole sanctity of confession, or whatever, was kind of implied. Anyway, after the Reverend is properly gagged with the power of the Lord, they settle into a pew and Andrew hops right to it. Surprise, he lied about being gay to his parents ("such tools") so he could get out of Camp Reunite on Ice. The reverend asks for clarification about Andrew's predilections. "Look, I love vanilla ice cream. Mmmkay? But every now and then, I'm probably going to be in a mood for chocolate. Know what I'm saying?" "I do," the Reverend agrees slowly, "but God would prefer if you…stick to the vanilla." Anyway, Andrew doesn't even believe in God. The Reverend says that Bree is going to be devastated, she was so hoping that Andrew would straighten up. "Well, that's the good news," Andrew says, "I am going to change." The Reverend doesn't follow. If only he could hear the creepy tinkling "psycho" piano that's playing in the background here, he'd have a pretty good idea that Andrew's change was probably not for the best.

Andrew tells the Reverend that last night, his mother told him he wasn't going to heaven. The Reverend admits to the sad truth of it, yes, "the only way you can know paradise is by repenting your sins." Andrew, really warming to the subject now, says, "When she said that to me, suddenly it hit me how I was going to get back at her. From now on I'm going to be so good, I'm going to eat my vegetables, I'm going to get good grades, I'm going to say 'yes ma'am' and 'no ma'am.' I'm going to make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle. Until one day, when she least expects it, I'm going to do something so awful, it's going to rock her world. I mean it's really going to destroy her. And when that day comes? Trust me, I'll know paradise." And with that, the most evilest speech ever, Andrew gets up and tosses the bible to the thoroughly shocked Reverend. Wow. Andrew may be criminally insane! I'm wondering if that umbilical cord was wrapped around Andrew's throat a little longer than was strictly safe, brain-health-wise?

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Desperate Housewives

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