Now we get a Susan voiceover, as she tells us that when she first met Edie, it seemed like they'd be best friends. Susan, in an ugly robe, is taking out her garbage with a donut in her hand (who does that?!), when she drops it into the can. Edie comes up right as Susan fishes it out and starts eating it. Edie thinks that's disgusting, but Susan says it landed on a detergent box. Um, still disgusting. So Edie gives her money so she can buy a fresh donut, booze, crack, or "whatever eases the pain." Because she thinks Susan's homeless, see? I can totally see how they were practically best friends, can't you? Susan uses what's in the garbage bag to prove she lives in her house. They shake hands, and Edie says she just moved to the neighborhood. She says she'll tell Susan all about it over a margarita, but Susan invites her in for coffee instead. Edie wants all of the neighborhood gossip and would like to start with Bree, asking if she is a robot. (I'm sure that back in the car, Bree is loving this story about the "nice" Edie.) Susan is happy that Edie's funny and likes to gossip. She thinks they'll get along just fine.
Next, Susan and Edie are running together, and Susan needs to rest after four blocks. Susan admits she hates running, and Edie asks why she didn't say something sooner. Susan says she wants to be friends, but Edie likes running and she likes to sit. Just then, a couple walks by, and Susan says hi to "Helen" and "Ed." She tells Edie she would have introduced them except that Helen would never stop talking. Edie says that's what Ed told her. She's gotten to know him "quite well." Susan is too dense to get what Edie means, so Edie comes right out with, "We're kinda doing it." Susan: "Doing what?" Seriously. She asked that. In Susan's world, there are not women who sleep with married men. Susan tells Edie she's being immoral and committing adultery. Edie points out that Ed's committing adultery, but she's just having sex. Susan doesn't look convinced. Edie wants Susan to forget it, but Susan says she can't forget it since Helen is her "very good friend." Edie's all, "I thought you just said..." Susan says, "She is annoying and I hide when she knocks on my door, but she does not deserve for you to be wrecking her marriage." Susan leaves Edie standing on the street, and tells her she doesn't think she'll be her friend anymore.
Edie shows up on Susan's door and introduces herself as "the whore who lives down the street" and asks if she can borrow "a cup of condoms." See? Still funny. Susan asks if she's sure that will be enough. Edie tells Susan that she knows she doesn't like her, but she's here to do her a favor anyway. She tells her she was out to dinner last night and saw her husband with another woman. She feels bad saying it, but would want to know if she were in her shoes. She says, "You're welcome," and leaves. Susan stops Edie and says she knows this is just revenge because Susan judged her. Edie says if she'd wanted revenge, she would have joined them for a threesome. Susan says Karl would never cheat, and the woman, Brandy, was his secretary, who he was taking out for her birthday. Edie tips her hat to the classic "Taking my secretary out for her birthday" routine. Susan suggests going to Helen's so she can introduce them and they can swap stories about Ed's favorite positions. Edie says she's not the same as Brandy, because she isn't trying to break up a marriage. She's just having fun and helping a man through a midlife crisis. Susan snits that Edie's just a giver, and Edie tells Susan to go ahead and use all of her energy judging her and ignore the real problem. She says this is her area of expertise (she's an affair expert!) and she saw the look in that woman's eyes; she's in it for keeps. Susan asks her to leave, and Edie says she was trying to be a good neighbor, since this was the moral thing to do.