Later, Parker comes home from school, and Tom offers him a seat at the dining room table. [Did he skip work? - Zach] Lynette says she was hoping it would be another year before they had to have the conversation where they told him not to offer the neighbor money for sex. Parker: "Oh crap! She told?" Tom says, yeah, he should pick a more discreet stripper next time. Lynette and Tom think they raised Parker better than that, and she asks him what he has to say for himself. Parker: "I just really, really, really needed to have sex." Tom: "Three reallies? Well, here's a twenty. Go back and try again." Ha. Lynette slaps the twenty away, and tells Parker they understand he's 16, and his hormones are out of control, but why would he think he has to pay for sex. This is where it turns so very after-school special, when Parker admits he's the only one of his friends who hasn't had sex, but Lynette begs to differ, calling his friends "Pimples, Braces, and Beam-Me-Up-Scotty." Parker says it's never going to happen for him, because girls don't look at him that way. Tom tags in for Lynette and tells Parker to knock it off, because he'll meet the right girl in a few years and have tons of sex -- "after you're married." Parker says okay and apologizes.
After Parker's gone, Tom asks Lynette if she thinks Parker bought it, and she's like, "What?" He tells her guys always pay for sex in some way: dinners, flowers, antique rings. Lynette asks if he thinks that's the only reason they're having sex tonight, and Tom says, "Of course not. It's our anniversary. It's a given. Like turkey on Thanksgiving." But he is hoping the ring gives him an upgrade from missionary. Lynette tells him to forget about upgrades, because he just got bumped off the flight. Tom's like, "Are we really not going to have sex tonight?" She tells him not to worry: In a few years, when he's emotionally ready, he's going to have lots of sex. Later, in bed, he rubs her arm and asks if she really likes that ring. She continues to read and says, "Yep!" He asks if she read the inscription, but she interrupts and says they're not having sex, because she's still upset by what he said. She asks if he really thinks women only sleep with men because they buy them things, and he replies, "No. I think supermodels sleep with 80-year-old millionaires because they love to hear stories about when bread was five cents a loaf." She points out she's not a model and he's not a millionaire. Then he reminds her that he took her on two cheap dates followed by one expensive one and "Bam! You put out!" Lynette glares. "You made love." She tells him it wasn't the expensive dinner, but that he showed up with a light bulb to replace the one that had burned out in her hallway that did it for her. She would have done it right there. He's like, "That's all it takes? Showing you I care? 'Cause that's easy." And she tells him it's time for his present as they start kissing.