Desperate Housewives must have figured its characters would be more relatable if they all had money problems. This is not the case, of course, but nevertheless, here is our "economy" episode:
Gaby has money again since she forced Carlos to take a corporate job, but she's still not as skinny as she used to be. In order to fit into the dress she wore when Carlos proposed, she signs up for Edie's boot camp, taught by a former member of the Israeli army. He doesn't like Gaby, because she's a whiner and, eventually, a quitter. But Edie tells her what a brat she's being and she toughs it out. Then she looks all sexy as she heads to The Palm with Carlos.
Susan has even bigger problems, though: Her kid's in public school (gasp!). She wants him to go to Oakridge, a fancy, schmancy, Chilton-style private school with a white-haired headmaster. She gets him in, but Mike (who's been working long days and nights, by the way) cannot afford it. He can't even afford to buy Katherine real pearls, in fact, but that doesn't stop Susan from trying to steal them. All I can say is nice job on the fake pearls, Mike: You fooled everyone, even ogling Bob and Lee. Ultimately, Susan figures it all out and gets MJ into the school, by getting a job there as an art teacher's assistant. [I've been watching this show all season, and I had no idea that Susan was a children's book illustrator. - Zach] How cool would it be if this somehow brings Jackson back? Maybe he's the teacher? I'd really enjoy that.
Lynette's financial problems are the biggest of all, though. Since they had to use all of that money to send Porter's cougar away and then to pay his legal bills, they have no nest egg. Which they sort of need, now that no one's eating pizza (one of the many hurt industries in a bad economy, apparently). Tom even has to sell his midlife-crisis-mobile. Lynette gets some help in the form of a $20,000 check from Bree. She takes it as an investment in Scavo's, but then proceeds to act bitchy toward Bree every time she says or does anything in the form of advice or having an opinion. Sure, Bree can act entitled, but in this case, she sort of is, so Lynette should probably grow up and stop being... completely out of character, actually. Ultimately, it seems like their friendship is pretty much over, despite Lynette being the one Housewife big enough to say she was proud of Bree earlier this season. This show will just make people do anything to stick to the Mary Alice Voiceover of the Week, won't it? Well, I can take a lot, but stop the Lynette character assassination, please.
Creepy Dave is all buddy-buddy with Tom until Bob and Lee spill that he was the one who accused Porter of starting the nightclub fire. Tom's pissed and punches Creepy Dave, who has been taking his self-defense courses, because Tom's second punch goes nowhere fast. I do believe that friendship is over, though. Then Edie makes the mistake of asking Creepy Dave how their marriage compares to her first marriage. He totally freaks us all out by telling her that now he knows love ends in death. Oh, God. I hope he's not planning to kill Edie.
Previously: Mike and Katherine really like each other. Gaby wants to lose weight. Bree's success makes everyone jealous.
A $20 bill floats around on Wisteria Lane as Mary Alice tells us that people don't talk about money in the suburbs. Well, yeah, if you just let a twenty float around in the road, then money isn't a problem, so no need to discuss it, right? Something like that. Mary Alice says there's no need to talk about it, since everyone lets you know: Edie buys a bunch of new clothes, Bob and Lee buy a fancy new refrigerator, Orson supervises as two gardeners make his yard beautiful. Mike has an old, cruddy barbecue, some lady we don't know needs to paint her house, and Lynette's selling Tom's mid-life-crisis-mobile. The guy who buys it is super-happy, but apparently Tom's inside sobbing. Katherine walks up as the buyer drives away and Lynette explains they can't afford Tom's midlife crisis now that they're broke. Katherine is horrified by the word "broke." Lynette blames it on the legal fees and the fact that no one eats pizza in a bad economy (conveniently not explaining how she gave their life savings to their son's Mrs. Robinson), and then asks Katherine to please not tell anyone. Katherine says she shouldn't be embarrassed, since everyone is in the same boat in this economy.
Just then, Bree pulls up in a shiny, black Lexus, all, "What do you think?" Her book made the Times bestseller list and they're talking "three-book deal," so she got the urge to splurge. Also, the $20 blew onto her windshield at the stop sign. She says, "Life is good." Mary Alice tells us people don't talk about money in the suburbs because, when they do, other people get angry. A zoom in on a pissed Lynette takes us to the opening credits.
Mary Alice is explaining what happens when someone on Wisteria Lane buys a new car. It's a simple ritual that seems to involve people standing around to look at it. Edie, Katherine and Gaby are all there, excited to see the new car, and Lynette's there, too, but less excited. We are to understand this since she's on the other side of the car from the excited ladies, so we don't even see her at first. Mary Alice makes a big deal about how some friends aren't really "there" for the ritual, even if they're there. But at least she showed up. Certain other "poor" ladies (Susan Meyer!) didn't even bother. But we are supposed to think the big deal is with Lynette, not Susan. Because Lynette's there, but not participating in the complimenting ritual. Bree shows everyone the refrigerator in her back seat and then is about to show how quiet it is (it's a hybrid), when Lynette excuses herself. Bree wonders what's up, and Katherine quickly blabs that they're broke. Edie also saw Lynette turning her cans in for money at the recycling center, which Gaby says is a half a step from selling your eggs on the Internet. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that we have Gaby, who's been "poor" for so long, on the rich side of this? [Yeah, that happened real fast, didn't it? - Zach] The ladies go back to looking at Bree's car.