Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: A- | 1322 USERS: B-
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The Mask

Lynette's at work, where the receptionist is giving her her mail. He asks how she's doing, and she says her husband wants to spend money they don't have a on a facelift he doesn't need, so... not great. The receptionist tells her to tell him to be careful, because Bruce in payroll went in for a little nip and tuck, and looks like he's standing in a wind tunnel. Lynette asks for Bruce's extension.

Bree's meeting with Karl, telling him that she thinks she can make it work with Orson, who is a good man deep down, despite the rough patches in their marriage. She asks Karl if he's even listening, and he says he doesn't need to; he's heard it all before. He says every woman gets cold feet, but she's not making a mistake, he really is that bad, and no matter how hard she tries he won't change. Bree asks if she's just like everyone else and Karl knows just what she's going to say. He says that's right, and he even knows the stuff she's not going to say. She doubts it, so he gives it a shot: She's been thinking about what happens if she walks away with Orson and all she's invested in the relationship. Will she ever find another man? Will she spend the rest of her life alone? Bree looks sad and Karl asks, "Close?" She says "In the ballpark." Karl tells her she has nothing to worry about, since she's beautiful, elegant, and classy and won't end up alone. She asks if he says that to every woman, too, and he says no, because he gets some real uggos in here: "You know, the kind who are going to die alone and get eaten by their cats." Bree: "Charming." He asks if they're back in business, and she says to send the papers to her and she'll sign them. This Karl-Bree dynamic is weird. I feel like they're trying to make it flirtatious, but then they make it sort of like she loathes him. Maybe she can have both?

Lynette greets Tom when he gets home and says there's someone she'd like him to meet. It's someone who she says got the same procedure, so she thinks he can chat him up about it. Tom thinks this means she's finally on board, but then she takes him into the other room, where he meets Bruce, who looks like a freak. I'm actually more freaked out by his hair than anything, though, which is weird. Bruce clearly thinks he looks great, and it's totally disturbing. Lynette says it's so exciting that Tom's going to look just like Bruce, and Bruce offers the name of his surgeon. Tom calls Lynette into the kitchen, where he says this was very clever, but it's not scaring him. He's still doing it. Lynette asks why he's being so stubborn, and he asks why she cares so much. She says she doesn't want plastic surgery. Tom asks, "What?!" She says if he's unsatisfied with his looks, she'll be unsatisfied with hers someday. He says no, but she says he'll look young and wonder how she got so old, and they'll look like they don't belong together anymore. He tells her he's just wanting to get rid of a few wrinkles. She sweetly tells him she doesn't see his wrinkles; she sees their whole life. She moves closer and points to wrinkles, one by one saying what they mean: This is him wondering how he'll provide for them. This is Penny breaking her arm. This is Lynette's cancer. These are the millions of laughs that got them through. She says it's a map of their marriage and she doesn't want to lose it. He asks what if it keeps him from getting a job. She says he'll get one because they're impressed by his experience, not his wrinkle-free face. He tells her he loves her face, too, and starts to point out her wrinkles. She quickly stops him and says this isn't about her.

Desperate Housewives

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