Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: A- | Grade It Now!
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The Mask

Jackson pours a glass of wine at his engagement party when Creepy Dave finds him and calls him the man who ruined his fishing trip. Jackson apologizes, and then Creepy Dave says he's so happy for Jackson and Susan, and wonders how Jackson's been, since they haven't talked since, oh, I don't know, the night of the fire? Jackson says, yeah, Creepy Dave was the big hero, but he was the doofus who got stuck in the men's room. Jackson says he went to City Hall to get his marriage certificate and ran into a detective, so now he has to go talk to them the day after his wedding. Creepy Dave asks what they wanted to talk about, and Jackson says he guesses they just want to know if he saw anything suspicious. Orson asks if he did, and Jackson says, "No." He says he was backstage, headed to the men's room, when he ran into... Creepy Dave breaks a tray of wine glasses just then so Jackson has to run off to try to clean it up. Creepy Dave laughs that the wine's not coming out, but Orson says Bree could get it out in a jiffy, then wonders where she's off to.

She's busy, all dressed in black, robbing her own house with Karl. Karl asks her if they're stealing a mask and a diamondy-looking award. Bree says yes to the mask and no to the award, which is Orson's. Bree's tidying the mantle, when Karl tells her not to do that and knocks everything off. He tells her they're robbing the place, not acting as personal shoppers. He tells her she can't just go to the motions, and then -- speaking of -- he wonders if she's nailing Orson like they discussed. She says it's none of his business, but admits she's doing the bare minimum. Karl thinks Orson's probably a "just missionary" guy. Bree wonders if Karl must be so crude, and he wonders if she must always be a priss. He says it must be exhausting to be her. She says being a lady does take effort. He says she should give it a rest, and see how good it feels. She says Karl can be a Neanderthal, but she prefers to behave with dignity and class, then adds, "Now, may we please finish robbing my home?" Then she breaks Orson's diamond dentist award.

Tom sees a young guy at the engagement party, whom he refers to as "Bill Brown." He asks what Bill's doing there, and Bill says he and Jackson are in the same soccer league. Tom introduces Bill as his roommate freshman year of college. Lynette: "Really?!" Tom tells Bill he hasn't aged a day, and Bill says the same to Tom, but Tom says he's a liar, since Bill didn't even recognize him. Lynette would like to go back and make sure she heard correctly: "You guys were classmates... meaning you were in the same class at the same time?" Tom glares at her, and says that's what classmates mean; they're the same age. Bill says he's actually six months older. Lynette says, "You're older?! I'm sorry, I just cannot believe... that they're out of stuffed mushrooms." She takes off. Tom says Lynette's annoying, but right, and would like to know how Bill does it. Bill leans in and asks if Tom really wants to know.

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Desperate Housewives

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