Desperate Housewives

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The Mask

Katherine and Mike present a giant gift to Susan and Jackson. Mike says they can afford to be generous now that he's off the hook for alimony. Susan: "What?" Mike says she's getting remarried so he can stop sending the checks. Susan calls Jackson aside. They pass Creepy Dave and Bree, who's just showing up. Jackson says he thought Susan was too proud to take alimony. She says she was just too proud to admit it, not too proud to take it. Jackson says he can chip in, but Susan needs more than that: mortgage and food and insurance. She can't marry him. He says they'll send him back, but Susan points out the obvious: "It's Canada. Not Iran. It's like America, with free health insurance." She says she knows this is important, but she depends on that check. He gets that, but he can't believe he found a job he loves and he has to give it up. She says she can talk to Mike and see if they can work something out, but she thinks he'll want his gift back.

Tom and Lynette discuss how great Bill looks as they're leaving the party. He says Bill told him his secret and he's thinking of doing the same thing. They walk into their house, as Lynette says, "No. You're not having plastic surgery." He says it's his face, but she points out it's half hers, since they're in a community property state. He says she can have the bottom half, but the wrinkles on the top half are all going away. She tells him men look better as they age and don't need plastic surgery, so he mocks her reaction to Bill: "You guys were classmates? You mean the same class, the same time?" She says that's a lousy impression of her, but Tom ignores her and says he's getting a facelift. She says he doesn't need one and asks what if she went and got a boob job and came home with big, giant, sideshow boobs. He says he'd learn to live with it somehow. She tells him he's not doing this, and they can't afford it. But he says it's an investment in the future and he's making an appointment. He says he can also get a price check on a pair of... Lynette says she's not getting a boob job.

Orson and Bree arrive home. He's offering to make her Earl Grey tea when he sees the damage to the house. Bree says, fake dramatically, "Orson! We've been robbed." Orson swears it wasn't him, and Bree looks at him like he's an idiot for even saying that.

Gaby's back at the soup kitchen, cutting in line to find Fran. She assures everyone she'll be eating at home, so they should all relax. When she's met with glares, she says her home is a box under the bridge. She finds Fran and says she was afraid she wouldn't find her here. Fran: "Lucky you. I'm still poor." Fran says she's sorry she rushed out the other day, and she wants to do something to help. She gives her $100, and says she wants to make sure she isn't going to use it to drink or do drugs. Fran says drinking wasn't her problem, and she's never done drugs. And she never gambled a day in her life. Gaby wonders what the hell happened then, since they had such wonderful things. Fran says she and Mark lived well -- a little too well -- and then Mark died and they were totally wiped out. Gaby apologizes, and Fran says she didn't have family or friends to turn to. She tells Gaby everyone's a bad investment or a tumor away from standing in line for free soup. She thanks Gaby and gets up to leave, but Gaby stops her and says she doesn't agree, because Carlos went blind and they almost lost everything, but they worked their asses off and made it back. Fran says she hopes Gaby and Carlos never lose everything, and she hopes she appreciates hers more while she has it. Then she thanks her again and leaves.

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Desperate Housewives

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