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Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card

DeAnn Welker: B | 1101 USERS: B-

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Doctor, Doctor! Give Me the News

By DeAnn Welker | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 2008.11.30

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The storylines are all more connected this week than they have been in a long time -- all based, at least loosely, around Fairview Hospital.

Mike's there after barely surviving (thanks to Dave) last week's fire, and Katherine brings him cookies. Susan visits him too (she's also visiting Jackson, who isn't in the episode), and tastes the macadamia nut cookies Katherine made. Mike then accidentally slips and tells her he's dating one of her friends. When she tastes macadamia nut cookies at Katherine's house later, she puts two and two together. But that it took her as long as it did really does prove just how self-involved she is.

In the hospital after the fire, Carlos finds out that he might be able to have a surgery that would make him see again. It would be at least a month before they could squeeze him in, though, which gives Gaby time to hopefully get skinny and pretty again (she's so terrible-looking now, after all). Then the surgery gets moved up, so she warns Carlos not to expect much. He tells her why he fell in love with her. It's very sweet, and is all about her eating ribs and not at all about her looks. So they go in for the surgery, with her self-esteem restored.

Lynette and Tom get patched up at the hospital and are questioned about whether Porter threatened the club owner. He did, but Lynette lies for him. She then pays Anne to leave town and never come back, after threatening her with statutory rape charges if she stays. She questions Porter about the fire, and he says he didn't do it (because he didn't, obviously), and she's relieved he's telling the truth. But she doesn't return the favor because when he asks if she knows where Anne is, she feigns ignorance. Oh, and Anne admits to Lynette there's no baby, and there never was. THANK GOD.

Orson's nose injury has caused him to snore worse than Bree ever imagined was possible. He refuses surgery to correct it, because he's afraid he'll die, apparently. But Bree can't sleep with the noise, so she kicks him out of their room. He doesn't like this, so he drugs her with a sleeping pill, just as she's going to do a cooking demonstration in a department store. She gains the upper hand because of this, though, and at the end they schedule the surgery with their doctor. Who tells them he just moved in with someone, but isn't married. And then he calls that "someone" after they leave and asks for a promise that they'll never turn into an insane couple. And the person on the other line is totally Andrew!

Creepy Dave is stressed out since the fire, and he even seems remorseful as the death toll rises (seven people have died by the end of the episode). Edie tells him it sounds like the detectives are on the trail of the arsonist, whom they think is Porter Scavo. Creepy Dave looks guilt-ridden by the news, but by episode's end he tells the detectives (who think he's a true-blue hero) that he saw Porter Scavo going into the backroom. Uh, where is Jackson when we need him to tell the detectives that Creepy Dave was coming out of that room? He had to have told them that, right? Even though it didn't happen on screen. Oh, and Creepy Dave also asks Mike to be his BFF in repayment for the life-saving. He's completely sick and twisted, if you hadn't picked up on that yet.

See the most desperate moments of the Desperate Housewives stars. Then come back on Tuesday for the weecap of this episode.

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Previously: Porter had an affair with Anne Shilling, and then her husband beat her up. Porter threatened him with death. Meanwhile, Creepy Dave killed the doctor and lit the bar on fire. But he also saved Mike and became a hero. It was all part of his sinister plan.

Mary Alice tells us that something awful happened to Gaby. She was reminded of it when she looked in the mirror, glanced at an old modeling photo, or walked past a man (who didn't notice her). She has lost her looks. Which is so completely ridiculous. You can't take a woman this pretty, add a few pounds, cut her hair, tone down the makeup and say she's "lost her looks." She has NOT lost her looks. She's still prettier than almost anyone in the world, so shut up, stupid show. Anyway, she takes comfort in the fact that she doesn't need to be beautiful since her husband is blind. She walks into the hospital room where a doctor's looking at Carlos after his fall during the fire. The doctor says he's fine and, in fact, they found a bone fragment that they might be able to remove, possibly giving Carlos his sight back. He and Gaby are both excited. The doctor says he can fit Carlos in for surgery in about a month. Mary Alice continues: Gaby lost her beauty, but she now knows it's time to get it back.

After the opening credits, Mary Alice reminds us of the fire and tells us everyone is at Fairview Memorial Hospital. She says everyone is well on their way to recovery except for the man who started the fire, whose suffering is just beginning. Creepy Dave walks out of the an elevator in the hospital, where he's approached by two detectives. They want to know what happened, but don't worry: They're talking to everyone who was there. Creepy Dave says everything happened fast, and the detectives are very sympathetic. Creepy Dave asks if they know what happened. They do know it's arson and that it started in the storage room, and there was a body there that they don't think was the arsonist. Creepy Dave looks worried. On their way out, the detectives give him their card in case he "remembers" anything else, and then they remember he's the guy who saved Mike and they call him a "real, honest-to-goodness hero." He says, all sad, "If you say so." Dude, Creepy Dave, if you're going to be a villain, please stop being so emo about it.

Katherine's in another room, apologizing to Mike for not visiting earlier. She burned the first batch of cookies, and didn't think he'd appreciate the irony. He says he's so hungry, he wouldn't have noticed and then asks for a kiss. She's worried someone will see them, but he doesn't care. She admits she hasn't told Susan they're dating yet, because she's "waiting for the right time" since Susan's friendship is so important to her. She turns to leave and Mike tells her to walk out slowly and give him something to live for. Katherine leaves the room in a happy glow and runs right into Susan. Katherine asks how Jackson is. He's "just getting some stitches," which is code for "actor was in a motorcycle accident, but we want him to come back someday." Susan asks who Katherine's visiting, and she says everybody from the neighborhood who was hurt. She brought them all gifts. Susan didn't bring any gifts, but she gave blood, so she thinks that counts for something.