Previously: Bree was an alcoholic (man, we are going way back, aren't we?). Orson wanted to work with Bree. Creepy Dave was a rageaholic, and Mrs. McCluskey was onto him. He planted the seeds of Mrs. McC becoming a senile old bat.
We open on balloons and a "Happy Birthday" banner, as Mary Alice tells us how wonderful this party could have gone if it weren't for... well, everything. In fact, I could sum this whole thing up much more quickly than she does in this hour by saying: It could have been a fun party if it were anywhere but Wisteria Lane. Unfortunately, everyone here is crazy. The end. Oh, I'm kidding, of course. I'll keep going. Mary Alice tells us that instead of being this fun party, the night was full of surprises. The camera pans to Lynette and Tom fighting about why she won't just give him a little support. She does the best thing ever, and if I didn't love my husband so much, I would totally want to use this someday: She tells him she'll get him a towel, and when he's puzzled about this, she throws her drink in his face. So supportive. Across the party, Jackson wants to confirm that it wouldn't bother Susan if he was with another woman. She says it would definitely not, so he walks over to Katherine and kisses her. It's not passionate or anything, and actually sort of icky, so I don't know why this would bother Susan, but the look on her face tells us it does. (I am guessing it doesn't bother Katherine, though.) Gaby and Carlos are there, too, and also in a fight: He's sorry he lied, and feels terrible for doing it; she calls him a selfish son-of-a-bitch and pushes him over. I'm not sure it's ever okay to push over a blind person, but it made me laugh. Who knew Gaby and Carlos were the new Abbott and Costello? Then there's Orson and Bree: He's putting her in an impossible situation, which he simplifies by asking for a divorce. And then Mrs. McC shows up at the party with a bat -- greeted by "Surprise!" so we know the party's for her -- and swings for Creepy Dave, but instead smashes the cake. Yikes! Some party.
We flash back to just before the party. Gaby's at home, checking her period calendar in front of a mirror (um, does anyone really keep a period calendar? I mean, not that I want to know or anything if you do, but I really hope you don't; unless you're trying to have a baby) and realizes she's late. She explains this all to Plot Device/viewer stand-in Juanita, who wants a baby brother, so she'd love if Mommy's "friend" would please not visit. Gaby looks in the mirror and flashes back even further, to when she was hot Gaby in a sexy red dress and bright red lipstick. They've done a good job changing the way Eva Longoria Parker looks this season, because the difference in this flashback was so stark I sort of felt like I couldn't focus my eyes or that they had someone else playing flashback Gaby. Anyway, she finds out she's pregnant and smacks the doctor. She thought she couldn't have a baby, and "this is a disaster," because of Carlos's blindness mostly. Oh, and the unemployment. When Gaby tells Carlos the news, he's thrilled, and since this means he'll need a job, he decides to become a masseur. She says it's more than that, though; she thought God didn't want her to be a mom. Carlos tells her it's a miracle, and they should celebrate.