(While Susan acts like trash at the gals' poker game -- "Eat it!" -- Renee realizes that she can now train Lynette to be irresponsible with money. Apparently, both of them are this show's version of gay men this week, given their flighty gay obsession with makeovers and shallow bullshit, but then it's not like this show takes a week off from hating women, either.)

Gabrielle, who is nonetheless awesome the entire episode: "I tried. I tried for years. I couldn't even get her out of flip-flops... Don't do it, she'll break your heart."

(Susan behaves in such a bitchy, gross, characteristic manner that even Bree gets to feel self-righteous about it, to the degree of telling Susan to "eat it" in kind.)

Lynette: "Aw shucks, Renee, I ain't never been in a store this nice before."
Salesperson: "These things are very expensive."
Renee: (Acts the way a sad backwoods queen thinks divas act.)
Lynette: (Buys all the things, then starts acting the way a sad backwoods queen thinks divas act.)
Renee & Lynette: (Even worse and sadder and trashier and Boomer Fags' idea of women than those nasty creatures on Sex & The City, like a cartoon about drag queens dreamed up by one of those people you used to see on the Phoenix University ads.)

Gabrielle: "Hey, Bree! I hope you don't mind, but my big hairy bear of a husband took your recently 'divorced' twink son into the woods for a little one-on-one bonding."
Bree: "Oh no!"
Gabi: "My thoughts exactly."
Bree: "No, not that! It's because he wants to tell Carlos about running over your mother-in-law that time, when it didn't kill her or anything."
Gabi, verbatim and awesome: "Okay, see? This is the problem with sobriety. It ruins lives!"
Bree: "Your husband is going to kill my son! Or fuck him senseless and then kill him!"
Gabi, once again verbatim and awesome: "And Andrew's gay, so it's a hate crime! That's ten more years!"