And...bring it on home, Rex! As Lynette and Tom pull into their driveway, Rex narrates about the kinds of sad sacks men there are to be found in suburbia. There's the (random) guy, walking his dog and thinking to himself, "Aw crap, my dreams are never going to come true." Then we see Orson put Danielle into the car, and (still according to Rex) think, "I'm never going to have a life free from scandal." Carlos sits, holding a basketball, and thinks, "I'll never have a son of my own." Austin, sitting on his bike, stares off into space and thinks, "I'll never hold [Julie] in my arms again." Then he screeches off on his bad, bad motorcycle. Mike, standing across from Susan's house, thinks, "I'll never get to tell her how I feel." Idiot.
Rex: "Yeah, the suburbs are filled with a lot of men who've given up hope." We see Tom and Lynette scuttle up their front stairs. "Of course, every once in awhile, you do come across some lucky S.O.B. whose dreams have all come true." Lynette stops, turns to Tom, and then just starts full-on frenching him all up and down his grill. Rex: "You know how you spot them? They're the ones who can't stop smiling. Don't you just hate those guys?"
All in all, Rex didn't really do much for us, did he? He didn't uncover any deep, dark secrets; he didn't express any juicy, heartfelt regrets about missing Bree or his family. He didn't give us a new big mystery to carry us through to the end of the season. He didn't even explain who the titular Pig (in the episode title) is supposed to be. All he really told us was that the way to spot the guy whose dreams have come true is to look for a neverending smile, a symptom that also just happens to describe the mentally disabled and any raver sucking on a methylenedioxymethamphetamine-soaked pacifier.
And that's it. The end. My friends? Scorpion, Sub Zero, Sonia? I will see your tight battle asses sometime in April. Until then, I recommend you enjoy the hell out of those Cadbury's Mini-Eggs (both regular and new dark chocolate)!