Desperate Housewives
My Husband, The Pig

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Evany: B- | Grade It Now!
My Husband, The Pig

Carlos's Crzy date night is in full swing, and things are looking very pre-coital. He and Crzy are swigging wine and kissing with much enthusiasm. He tells her how much hotter she is than in her pictures, and she tipsily responds that "so many guys say that." So I'm guessing Carlos found her in the Casual Encounters section? In which case, the fact that she said she "definitely" wants kids in her ad seems weirdly off-topic. They're mid tonsil-tonguing when Carlos's bionic ears pick up the lonely sound of a basketball being thunked outside. Carlos looks out the window and spies Travers playing in the street. Carlos seems worried, but Crzy is far more interested in yanking down Carlos's pants and smearing his face with her lipstick than she is in the child's welfare. Carlos tries to get into the sexing, but his paternal feelings can't be quieted, so he races outside to get Travers, who reports that Edie is off visiting a "sick friend." Inside, Crzy yanks on her coat, saying that she's not interested in "babysitting some little brat." Carlos: "Shh! He can hear you!" Crzy: "I don't care!" Yes, "definitely" get this woman some kids of her own, stat. She takes off, and Travers apologizes for "ruining [Carlos's] date." Carlos, with a big sigh: "That's okay. She was a very bad lady who wanted to do very, very bad things to me."

Later. Edie, wearing a tight, tight pink satin party dress, gets dropped off in front of her house by someone named "Raoul" and finds a note from Carlos on her door. Edie, doing an excellent "tipsy but trying to hide it" (nice work, Nicollette Sheridan!), raps on Carlos's/Mike's door to find a very disapproving Carlos waiting up for her. She tries to pretend that she's only been gone an hour, but Carlos hastens to report that he found Travers a full three hours ago. Carlos gives her a stern lecture about how eight-year-olds need supervision. Really, Edie? You couldn't find one person on the Lane to look after your son? Not Mrs. McCluskey? Austin, even? Certainly Lynette never seems to have any problem finding some last-minute someone to watch her eight million kids. Edie tries getting indignant, but Carlos stops her cold by telling her what a bad mother she is. The Sad Mommie Dearest music swells, and Edie's face crumples. Carlos, stern with judgment (and, one can only imagine, a terrible case of blue balls), tells her to come back to pick up her son in the morning, once she's slept her drunk off. Huh. Something about this streak of irresponsibility doesn't quite fit the Edie I know and...know. Typically, Edie does her best to do right by people, in her own special way: She took Austin in when his mother gave him the boot, and she's repeatedly tried to help Julie (with her singing recital and her birth control). I just don't buy that she'd leave her young son at home alone. Bring a guy back to her house for some inappropriately loud sexing, sure, but not leave the kid utterly alone.

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Desperate Housewives




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