Andrew is not happy to find out that Sam is his half-brother. Orson questions why Bree is so eager to welcome Sam the Robo into the Van de Kamp fold. Sam, of course, is bad news. Danielle comes home to meet him and, after an awkward family dinner, Bree tries to give Sam Rex's guitar. Andrew decides to break it into pieces. Later, he and Orson express suspicion about Sam.
Susan tries to make MJ feel like a winner by selling a bunch of chocolate for his school fundraiser, in the hopes that he'll win a prize. Juanita is competing in the same contest and Susan and Gabby get nasty about it. Susan extorts favors from troubled friends and Gabby sluts it up in front of construction workers. Susan frames Juanita for theft and insubordination in order to slow her down. Gabby kidnaps MJ. Juanita reveals to Susan that she feels pressure from Gabby to make friends. Gabby finds out that Susan lets Juanita win the contest, so she tells MJ that he's a winner.
Lynette catches Irina and Preston sleeping together in her house and freaks out. Preston and Irina decide to get their own apartment. Lynette plays along like she thinks it's a great idea, because she imagines the rigors of living in an apartment will tear them apart. Instead, Preston decides to bypass college and get a blue-collar job. BLUE. COLLAR. Also, Irina decides that she and Preston will get married in a week, instead of six months in the future.
Katherine feels apprehensive about letting people know that she has a girlfriend. At the party to celebrate Mrs. McClusky's cancer free-ness, Katherine comes out -- by having an argument with Robin in front of an opened window. She decides that she can't take the glare of prying eyes, so she and Robin go away to Paris together to figure out what they have together.
Nick is still pissed that Angie told her mother about Patrick. She assures him that everything will be fine. Patrick (the awesome John Barrowman) gets information about Angie's whereabouts from her neighbor, then kills said neighbor. Later, he stakes out Nick.
As we look at a bookcase loaded with a few books but mostly pictures of Bree and her family, Mary Alice tells us that photos can be deceiving (like how Andrew has a barely beard to make him look older). Bree's pic is hiding disappointment, Andrew's rage, Danielle's unladylike behavior. And, the family photo with Rex hid that he had another kid. Andrew is holding the picture of Rex and the young Sam. He is sitting across from Sam and Bree in the living room of Bree's home. Andrew can't believe that Sam is his brother ("half-brother, to be precise," responds Sam. Yeah, let's get semantic now) and we see Orson looking on in his chair in the background. Bree agrees that it's shocking but says that he shouldn't be angry with Sam. Andrew notices her touch Sam's shoulder and says that he's not angry, but needs some time alone. As he's walking away, he tells Sam that he'll hug him later. Bree says that it went better than she expected. She tells Sam that Danielle is coming later and she and Sam will get on well. Orson asks Sam to lock up the test kitchen. Alone with Bree, he asks her why she's so excited by the arrival of Sam. She says that she's ashamed because Rex kept Sam in the shadows. She's going to treat him like a Van de Kamp. Mary Alice says that photos (like certain members of the family, are not to be trusted) and we see Sam listening to Bree's spiel from around the corner. He smiles like he's up to no good.
Mary Alice, still tethered to earthly civic duties, tells us that the Oak Ridge private school ("Private School" isn't in the name, is it? That would be a little bougie, though I wouldn't put it past them) has a candy selling fundraiser and whichever student sells the most candy wins a prize. Of course, for someone to win, someone has to lose. We see MJ sitting forlornly on a bench in the hallway of the school as kids with boxes of candy are walking by. Susan comes by and asks him if he's picked up his box of candy yet. He hasn't and doesn't think it matters because he never wins anything. Cut to Mike who is stunned that Susan PROMISED MJ he would win the contest (personal experience: this is where the parents pull out their checkbook and buy the candy themselves. Thanks Mom and Dad!). Susan explains that he was about to cry and she wants to raise a child with completely unrealistic expectations of what the world owes him. She says that he sucks at sports, card games, and academics. She thinks that every child should feel good about himself and Mike wouldn't understand because he wins everything (Was his drug addiction and subsequent jail stint a prize? Remind me not to compete for that), however, SHE knows losing. Oh God, says Mike, she's not going to talk about the jumprope contest, is she? She is. She was in the finals of a jumprope contest with Barbara Frisco (Mike mouths her name as Susan says it. He's heard this story so many times!) and Barbara had allergies from dandelion season. She was all watery-eyed and puffy and jumping blind, until her mother gave her an antihistamine, which Susan considers a steroid. Therefore, Barbara was juiced, says Susan as she whinily slams her hand on the kitchen counter. She asks Mike if he'll be supportive and he agrees, with the condition that she never repeat that story.