Gabby confronts Susan, who is selling candy next to MJ in a wheelchair. She reminds Gabby that she saw her selling to construction dudes with no bra on. They both insist that the problems of their kids are more important than the other's.
Karen sees Katherine outside and asks her how she is. Humiliated. Karen says that having lesbians steal your thunder at your cancer-free party would be worse. She asks if Katherine likes Robin. She thinks she does. So, why does she care what anyone thinks? Katherine says she just does. Karen says her options are to break up with her or move somewhere where people don't gossip. Karen's hinting that she needs to get the hell of Wisteria Lane. Katherine hugs her to thank her for the advice and Karen puts the brakes on. This is how rumors get started, she jokes.
Irina is making borscht for the fam, when Lynette and Tom arrive. Preston says that they put a deposit on a place. Apparently, they have a huge place. You see, Preston is putting off college and getting a job. He's going to be a gutter at a meatpacking plant and he's getting $14 an hour. Tom is excited by this. Maybe Preston will get discounts on steaks. Lynette is not pleased. Irina says that it's a good job that Preston has. Lynette replies that, maybe in Russia people are happy when their kids gut cows, but not her. I hope meatpackers don't watch this show. Irina says that Preston will support his wife, which is what men do when they love someone. Lynette replies that Preston isn't in love with her. She's Eurotrash and materialistic. This gets Lynette a tureen of borscht in the face as Irina stomps off. Who throws shit on a pregnant lady however shrill? Russia is a scary place.
Nick finds Danny working on a bicycle in their garage. He gives him a beer (illegal, right?). Danny has his first job and will use the bike to get there. It's his first job. Nick can't believe Danny is grown. Danny wants to know why Nick is all pensive. Since he's his dad, he knows that something is up. Nick responds that, yeah, he is his dad, and keeps his mouth shut. Ooh, he was about to tell him that he wasn't his dad.
Patrick, played by John Barrowman, arrives at the neighbor's house. He has brought roses. She tells him what she knows and he gives her money. She says that she likes Rose and wouldn't want anything to happen to Angie. Um, what did she think would happen? So, he stages a break-in and strangles the lady. He's the best part of this episode. More killing!
The next day, as Lynette is cleaning borscht off of the kitchen. Irina arrives and says that she wants them to get along. Lynette says that she will fight for Preston's best interests. Oh yeah? Well, Irina says they are getting married in a week. Lynette freaks out and Irina says that she thinks she knows her. With a smile, she gives Lynette a kiss and says, "From one Mrs. Scavo, to another."
Bree shows Sam Rex's old yearbooks. She says that Rex was smart, funny and graceful. Sam asks her what's wrong and she says that she never gets to talk about Rex. She misses him. Sam says she can talk to him. Orson watches them talk. He goes outside to find Andrew. He's embarrassed at how he acted at dinner. He says that he still doesn't trust Sam. Orson doesn't trust him either. He thinks that he's up to something. They need to find out more about him. Andrew agrees to investigate.
Susan asks MJ's teacher about the sales rankings. He's second to Juanita, by two bars of candy. Susan goes back to her class where Juanita is. She plants a cell phone in Juanita's bag and calls it in order to put Juanita in detention, thus keeping her from making a final sales push. Gabby gets a call that Juanita is in detention. So, she kidnaps MJ, luring him with soda. She calls Susan and sends a pic of MJ to the phone. They agree to exchange the children.
Susan and Juanita talk. Juanita says that she wants to win so that Gabby will be proud of her. She thinks Gabby is embarrassed because she doesn't have any friends. Gabby arrives and takes Juanita in a huff. Susan tells MJ that they need to talk about what winning really means.
Robin finds bags packed and Katherine standing by a window. Katherine says that she can't live her life with everyone judging her. She thinks Robin should leave and she'd like to go with her. She wants to figure out what they have together. Robin thinks that Paris is a good place to figure it out.
The winner of the fundraiser is...Juanita! Gabby is thrilled. She asks the teacher if it was close. It was, until the last day, when Juanita sold 40 bars and MJ sold none. Hmm. Gabby finds MJ and says she's sorry that he didn't win. She asks why he didn't sell any candy on the last day. He tells her that it's a secret and his mom told him that it's only a good deed if you don't tell. Gabby gets it. She says that his mom is a winner, just like him.
Mary Alice says there are a lot ways to win. A hasty retreat -- Katherine and Robin piling into a car. Cheating -- Andrew is looking at some file of Sam's. Some opponents are defeated with a smile -- we see Lynette offering cookies to a smiling Irina and Preston. I'm not sure who's winning there. But, Mary Alice says that it's not enough for some that they win. Someone else has to lose. We see Patrick, in his car, watching Danny.
Jeff Long is a writer/actor in Brooklyn. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org