And then, in another one of this show's favorite meaningless coincidental crossovers, we cut over to the Mother of all Rex's problems, who is taking some papers out of her purse. See that? Purses, papers? This town is so eerily connected. Mommy Phyllis and Bree are sitting with the minister, doing some eulogy brainstorming. Mommy Phyllis confesses that she stayed up all night writing up fifteen pages' worth of amusing anecdotes about Rex. The minister looks suitably dismayed as Mommy Phyllis tries to hand him her novella, which Bree intercepts neatly. "Phyllis, these are all things that happened to Rex before he went to college," says Bree. Mommy Phyllis doesn't see the problem. Bree: "Well, don't you think it would be nice if Reverend devoted part of his eulogy to his life after his marriage?" Mommy Phyllis: "Oh, well, yes, of course, the reverend will mention that part of his life." And they're off! Bree: "He's going to do more than mention it. That's the part he'll focus on. In fact, I think three anecdotes that focus on Rex's childhood is more than enough." Bree hands exactly three sheets over to the minister. Mommy Phyllis: "I just thought if we were going to focus on a time in Rex's life, we might as well focus on the happiest time." Bree slams down her tea cup and glares at Phyllis, who is looking very sly -- very cat-with-cream-y. The minister desperately tries to change the subject, but Bree is having none of it: "Reverend. If you don't call her on that incredibly insensitive comment, I'm going to lose it." The minister tries to excuse Mommy Phyllis -- clearly, she didn't mean it the way it sounded? Mommy Phyllis: "I knew exactly what I was saying." Rev: "Ladies..." Bree: "The happiest time in Rex's life was not his childhood. He loved being a husband, and he loved being a father." Mommy Phyllis, smugly: "He may have loved being a father, but your marriage...was...a disaster." They take potshots at each other until finally Bree throws her trump card: "You are no longer invited to the funeral!" Both the minister and the Mommy Phyllis are flabbergasted. Surely she's not serious? Bree: "Oh yes I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks, and if you so much as set foot into that sanctuary, they are going to be instructed to beat you with those sticks." The minister tries to tell Bree that this is her grief talking, but Bree shuts him down: "Reverend if you don't back me up on this, so help me I will pull the funeral out of your church. I am not kidding, I will go nondenominational so fast it will make your head spin." And with that, she gives a tight little smile and stalks out of the room. Mommy Phyllis looks 110\% miffed, and the minister takes an embarrassed little sip of his tea. In summary: Rex may have liked the looks of big-breasted women, but he pretty much married his mother.
Episode Report CardEvany: B+ | 652 USERS: C+
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