Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B | Grade It Now!

Gabby is getting out of the shower. And, what's this? Rose petals? With furrowed brow, she follows them to find Gardener John, lying in her bed, in his boxers, sipping champagne. Gabby is not amused. She wants to know how he got in. (He has a key.) He offers her a mimosa, she yells that she's PREGNANT, JACKASS. (He made hers with seltzer.) But Gabby is having none of it. She's enraged at GJ because the little stunt he pulled "yesterday" in court (yesterday?) could get Carlos sent away for eight years! GJ tells her that he thought she might be a little miffed about that, but once she calms down, she'll see how awesome it is with just the two of them. With that, she notices his duffel bag: "You brought LUGGAGE?"

Cut to Gabby carrying the bag down the stairs, GJ in tow. He's wheedling some more about how great it'll be now that they can stop sneaking around -- that they can finally have a real relationship: "It's what's best for the three of us." Gabby semi-hilariously thinks he's talking about Carlos: "How exactly does that benefit Carlos?" But no, GJ's talking about his baby. "Your baby!" Gabby yells, "You don't know it's your baby! I don't even know it's your baby!" And frankly, she doesn't want to know. And with that, she throws his duffel bag out onto the porch. He asks if this means she doesn't want him. "Well, up until the point you told my husband we were having an affair, I was quite fond of you. Since then," she shoves him out the door, "NOT a fan." Slam! It's one minute to 9.

Lynette is running around the house frantically. She looks good! She says something bitchy to Tom about what a dumb idea it is to let the kids fingerpaint before breakfast, and he snaps back that it's his job now, and so it's his call. She kind of snaps out of it and agrees. Anyway, why is she rushing around, Tom wonders, since her meeting isn't until 1? ["If they were just in court yesterday, Lynette sure managed to get herself a job interview pretty quickly. Absurdly quickly, you might say." -- Wing Chun] Oh, Lynette has a thousand things to do before then: borrow a decent scarf from Bree (uh oh), buy some lipstick... Just then, one of the Ps comes running over with a painting, and Lynette and her white, white shirt cringe backward: "Nobody touches Mommy. I love you, I love your finger painting, but if you touch me with those messy fingers, I will cut them off." Ah, THERE's the Grimm Lynette we know and are repulsed by. Tom wonders if maybe Lynette is a little nervous? "Who, me? I've been out of work for seven years, I'm a woman of a certain age in a business that values youth above all else. Why should I be nervous?" Tom gives her some pepping about how she's brilliant and she's going to nail this interview, and then he goes over to hug her with his paint-y, egg-y, kid-tainted hands. Uh-uh! Nobody touches Mommy. It's still one minute to 9.

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Desperate Housewives




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