Desperate Housewives
Nice She Ain't

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Nice She Ain't

Snora is stationed at the front window at the Scavos', eavesdropping on Mrs. McCluskey, Gabby, Susan, and Lynette, who are gathered around a table out front, sipping iced tea and rehashing Tom's fiasco of a pizza plan. Mrs. McC: "Might as well stand in a vat of tomato sauce and tear up hundred-dollar bills." Gabby says that Lynette made a promise to Tom, and now she has to "see it through." Lynette: "Yeah. How's that divorce going?" Gabby, meekly: "I'm done talking." I don't know, Gabby, what was it that lawyer on Hill Street Blues used to call her husband? Pizza Man? Because "he delivers"? That sounds like something you could get behind, Gabs. And underneath. And on top of. Mrs. McC offers that "men are genetically incapable of realizing [that] their dreams are stupid." Then she launches into this odd and funny story about how she tried to stomp on her husband's dreams to be a painter in Paris, and he "despised" her for the rest of his life. Lynette finds the story upsetting, but then Mrs. McC adds that she was also sleeping with her husband's brother, and maybe that played a supporting role in the hatred. The ladies exchange meaningful "Old Ladies Have Sex?" glances. Snora comes outside, pulls Lynette off to the side, and tells her that she heard what they were saying about the pizza plan, and that Lynette absolutely has to put her foot down. Lynette reiterates that part about how Tom will hate her for it. "Well, you better do sumpin," says Snora, "because if you don't, you and me will wind up working a pole to pay for braces." Well, if it did come to that, Lynette would probably pull in quite a pretty penny, from what I remember of the famous bar-top "Boogie Shoes" dance.

Austin crosses the street to talk to Julie. He's carrying a handful of daisies, which he's ripped from the ground like a caveman. Unlike a caveman, however, he's wearing the cutest t-shirt ever made: olive green with tree roots and birdies. (A little research reveals that it's the Brown Sound Fly Lower Tee, whatever that means, from Urban Outfitters.) Julie is standing there talking to her friend, "Sara," who is played by the one and only Mae Whitman, the actress who played George Michael's straight-laced girlfriend, Ann Veal, on Arrested Development. Sigh, it's always such a sweet thrill to discover one of the Arresteds making a surprise appearance. I guess Marc Cherry made some friends when he appeared on Arrested Development as himself. Our Ann, however, does not look herself: she is wearing an off-the-shoulder '80s shirt, big white plastic earrings, and plastic bangle bracelets. It's as though Delia's, Forever 21, and Alloy collided and she got plastered with the debris. Sarann is instantly smitten with Austin, but Julie is still very, very frosty -- even after he gives her the flowers, which he claims to have purchased. Julie: "Generally, when you buy flowers, they don't still have the roots on them." Austin breezes right past that observation and asks Julie for help on his English paper, seeing as Edie's going to boot him out of her house if he flunks. They bicker, but finally he agrees to her tutoring rate of $15 an hour. He heads back to Edie's, but turns back to say, "I charge $15 an hour to make out, so I'll probably break even." Julie rolls her eyes, but Sarann is just eating it up with a suicide spoon.

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Desperate Housewives

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